Demonstrating Love for Yourself

Happy Self Love Sunday! 
I'm back! 

What can you start doing today to demonstrate love for yourself?

We think love comes from outside ourselves and that, to feel worthy and validated, we have to seek love from others. 
Love for yourself is one of the most important things as it can spill over and out into the world. 
This is your Soul Love Minute. 
PS: Soul Love Warrior: A Guide to Loving Your Beautiful, Badass Self coming soon! 
Www.soullovewarrior.com Www.tamarahanson.ca 

Sensuality and Relationships

Recently, I was pondering the word 'sensuality'. What does it mean and what is the difference between being sexy and sensual?

When thinking about sensuality, think juicy, delicious, full, and all encompassing. It's employing all of the senses, meaning that it goes beyond the physical.

It's everything: touch, taste, sound, expression--inside and out. It means body, mind, and spirit are one, blossoming into a beautiful and fully aware experience.

Think of a juicy ripe peach and all of the senses that play in the role in the consuming of it--full and lovely.

Sensuality is tuning into all of your senses. It's not only about experiencing all of your senses sexually but within the entire world and what is going on around you. It's mindfulness. It's experiencing life on all levels.

With relationships and life, we get caught up in the mundane, in the day to day activities. We go through the motions, not really paying attention to the energy around us. We choose not to sense the subtle vibrations, being sucked in by whirlwind of other useless energy; energy that we have become accustomed to but doesn't really serve us.

Sensuality means employing emotions, deep emotion, something many people have turned off because it protects them from being hurt. It's easier to protect the heart instead of feeling all of those powerful emotions. But, when we put up that deep wall around our heart, we rob ourselves of experiencing something deeper.

How do we experience sensuality?

Being mindful of your sensuality is getting out of your head and into the feelings, and into the energy that is running around you and through you.

It's becoming aware, noticing, recognizing, and opening up to the pure essence of this beautiful, sensual energy. That's the key: Stay open and let it flow. Don't overthink it, just trust in the beauty of it.

Stay sensual, beautiful friends!

Intimacy and Trust

We humans are a funny and fickle bunch. We are sent here to love and be loved but we would prefer to hold back our love for fear of being hurt. We would prefer to resist something amazing from coming into our lives because we fear that we may experience the same pain from the past.

We hold ourselves back because the thought of the potential pain is too much to handle. Who wants to be blindsided? It hurts like a son-of-a-birch-tree when you are blindsided. You feel unprotected and naked. Why would we want to expose our beautiful heart to something that could potentially hurt it?

Then, there is the flip side to all of that--it's something that our heart knows to be true: It's to love and to be loved. To love despite what is happening.

That is where intimacy comes in. Intimacy with your partner is about trust. It's about opening up to the flow of life, and it is the most beautiful way to share your heart. Intimacy is about that special connection between two people that brings you closer together. 

Well being, trust and intimacy are all part of the same package. We all tend to hold our heart energy close to us, holding it tightly so no one can take it away again, as if it were something to steal. We don't want to be the fool, especially when we give so much of ourselves.

To love another person, to be fully open to another, this is when our heart's energy expands. When it expands, we can open up to the full potential of our loving selves.

The ultimate in life is to share love. Do not pass up the chance to love. 

Are You Letting Love In?

We cannot move through this life unscathed. At one point or another, we will be hurt by a lover that we trusted, which can leave us leery about trying at love again. It can drive us to do things that will keep our hearts hidden, protected, and buried somewhere where no one can find it.

Many would argue what love actually is: Emotion, feeling, a state of mind, a state of being, an action, or, as Allanah Myles sings, 'love is what you want it to be'.  

Here is my take on it: Love, unconditional love, is seeing the other person for who they really are—as pure love themselves, and loving that person because they are already love. There is no ego involved. There is no 'you scratch my back and I scratch yours.' It's an energy exchange that easily flows between two people.

The only time that it doesn't flow easily is when there is resistance by one or both parties. Typically this means that the heart is still being protected and hidden.

Eckhart Tolle says, "What is commonly called "falling in love" is in most cases an intensification of egoic wanting and needing. You become addicted to another person, or rather to your image of that person. It has nothing to do with true love, which contains no wanting whatsoever." 

Dear Lovely Souls, Loving another requires unlocking the door to your heart so love can flow in. How beautiful it is to be able to experience what it's like to love and be loved. Life is meant to be lived with love. Don't squander it.


PS:
Find love of self, inside and out. Attend Michelle Ponto's Women's Wellness Retreat July 16-19, 2015 in Phoenix, Arizona. Click here for details. 

Best Friends to Lovers

I'm a huge believer in lovers being best friends first. As someone who has experienced both sides of the coin (jumping head first into a relationship as a lover, and also building a friendship that turned into a beautiful relationship), I can honestly tell you that the 'friends first' route is a lovely way to go. 

Here's why: 

1) Building a relationship based on friendship gives you a strong foundation to grow from; a foundation that is very difficult to tear down. 

2) There are very few expectations when building from a friendship. You both can be yourselves.

3) There's a certain gentleness to being able to start in a place of friendship. It's a lovely progression where trust is built. 

4) There's something really honest and open when growing a relationship from a friendship. 

5) Taking the time to really understand one another, prior to the physical part of the relationship, creates a deeper intimacy and a stronger bond. 

6) There's a feeling of ease and calm when building that strong foundation; something that is rarely experienced when a relationship becomes physical too fast.   

7) When the sexual stuff does eventually happen, it will be incomparable to anything you've ever experienced before because you've created that deeper connection.

Once you have this solid foundation constructed, the relationship will continue to expand, grow, and blossom into something beautiful and meaningful. So, take it easy. There really is no rush. 

Does this mean that the relationship will last forever? Not necessarily. People change and grow, sometimes in different directions. It happens and that's okay. You can create more lovely experiences like this one. It's not a one time thing. 

Dear lovers, find someone who wants to get to know your soul and who wants to really know who you are on every level. It's worth taking the time for. 

Preparing for Love

Getting yourself ready for love is like preparing yourself for any major life event. Think about it: love is a big deal, and if you aren't prepared for it properly, it could end badly. This isn't to say that, once you prepare for love, the relationship will be everlasting. Nothing is guaranteed, things happen, and people grow apart. However, you want to make sure you prepare for love so you are attracting what you want.

There are many ways that we can prepare for love. For instance, buy something nice to wear on a first date, or declutter the bedroom to make it more conducive to romance and welcoming a lover.

While doing the outside preparation is a requirement, the inside preparation is more important. To prepare for love, we have to go deep within ourselves.

Feeling extremely insecure about yourself will not attract the appropriate partner into your life. You may say you want a person with certain types of qualities and characteristics, but, for some reason, you always seem to attract the opposite (see previous blog post on why you attract the same types of relationships).

This is where you take a good look at yourself. What is it that you need to improve about you? One thing that most of us do not do is fully love and respect ourselves. Loving and respecting yourself should be number one on your list. How do you love and respect yourself? Are you honouring who you are? Are you honouring your own feelings? Are you staying true to who you are?

Have you let go of the past or are you holding on? Anger and resentment are two things that we easily can bring into our new relationship. If we've been hurt in the past, and haven't effectively dealt with the pain, we can bring that garbage into our new shiny relationship. Is that really fair to the other person?  Is it fair to you?

You would expect the person you have a relationship with to honour and treasure your beautiful heart. But, that can't really happen if you don't honour and treasure it yourself. If you expect someone to do it for you, you may be disappointed if they don't follow through. Start by taking care of your own heart. When you do, someone will come into your life who will help you treasure it.

Dear lovely souls, Valentine's Day is around the corner. Make a promise to yourself to give yourself the loving care that you need. Do the work necessary for you to truly love you. You will not be disappointed. 

Letting the Past Go

Things that we did or didn't do, how we acted or reacted, or who we have hurt--we all tend to get stuck in this place of 'what-ifs' or 'shouldn't haves', wondering what could have been different. We hold onto past situations and behaviours with the belief that this is who we are, and if only we could change it.

Eckhart Tolle says that we should deeply realize that the present moment is all we have and that our primary focus in life is NOW. Not what happened yesterday or 10 years ago, and not what might happen tomorrow or 10 years from now...right now, this moment is all we have. 

Any past situations that you experienced, whether good or bad, happened because you were a energetic match to them. What happened in that moment occurred because you were ready to expand for more, and any contrasting experience was put in front of you so you could choose something different....something lovelier, nicer, kinder.

It can be difficult to understand that any perceived negative experience might actually work to our advantage. We view negative situations as something undesirable, and they certainly are in that moment. But, it's these experiences that wake us up, that make us choose differently in each moment. It's these experiences that make us pay attention to what we are doing and how we are feeling. 

Anything that you have been holding onto from the past that might be keeping you stuck, it's time to let it go. It has served it's purpose: it has shaken you awake. That old stuff can't be changed, no matter how hard you try. 

So, dear Beautiful Friends, take those things from the past and stand on top of them. Then, reach out your hand and grasp something better.

Namaste.  

Owning Your Bullshit Story

I love this quote by Elizabeth Gilbert so much that I had to do a blog post on it. It resonates deeply to how we tend to get caught up in our own bullshit story... and it usually is all bullshit.

We love to tell the story of what happened to us, why we can’t do things, how we can’t get ahead, or can’t get better. Maybe you are in a relationship out of convenience, wearing the mask that everything is awesome, but really it isn't and you've created nothing but smoke and mirrors.

We say things like ‘life is a struggle’, ‘my life is crappy’, ‘my relationship sucks’, 'I don't really need to love deeply,' or 'I can stick it out in this mediocre relationship for the next 20, 30, 40 years', or something similar.

On top of all that, we usually blame someone else for our problems. If only that person could be better, do better, act better, then things would be perfect. Unfortunately, you can’t control how others act, but you can control how you react.

As hard as this is to swallow, we are in charge of every aspect of our own lives. Unfortunately, many of us feel unworthy, undeserving, or incapable of creating what we want because we don’t believe we have the power to make our lives better. 

What it comes down to is this: If your relationship sucks, then do something about it. If the other person doesn’t want to make it work, then shut that door and allow another door to open. Another door will always open...if you want it to.

You cannot go through life wishing things to be different when you already have been given the power to make things different. Don’t relinquish control to someone else because no one else is in control of your happiness but you. If you are unhappy, then decide to make yourself happy. If it means moving forward and leaving others behind, then so be it.

Some of you might say, “Easier said than done” or “Ya, but it’s difficult.”

It may be difficult but it’s not impossible. You will always have to put effort into something that is important....especially when it comes to your happiness. 

Ask yourself these questions:

Where is my focus?

Am I focused on the bullshit story I’ve been telling myself for a very long time?

Am I focused on making my life the way I want it?

Abraham Hicks says not to think about something as a future thought, that it ‘will ‘ happen, but ‘become’ what you want in this moment. What does this mean? It means if you want love, feel that love right now. Become it, because the energy you send out is what you attract back to you.

Dear beautiful friends, do not fight for your limitations, because nothing is impossible.   

Namaste.

PS. Soul Love Awakening supports worldwide charities. Find out how: www.prairiegirlpress.spreadshirt.ca 

Effort and Struggle

So many of us think that struggling is key to a happy life. You slug away at your job, your relationship, and your financial situation in hopes that, at some point, things will turn around. Maybe you believe that karma will balance things out because you've earned it. Right?

Seeing as this is a relationship blog, let's use relationships as an example: You've worked at your relationship for years. You've put in the time, the hard work, the struggle. Now, where's your reward? Isn't that how it goes? We are taught that if we struggle, it will justify our existence.

Here's the thing, there is no reward for struggling. Nope. Never. 
However, there is a reward for alignment and deliberately creating your life, and that does take work...but the good kind.

This leads us to knowing the difference between effort and struggle. Struggle means keeping your head above water so you won't drown. It means forcing. It means working so hard that you have nothing left to give at the end of the day. There is no gentleness in struggle. There is no flow in struggle. So, if you are struggling in a relationship, ask yourself why?

Effort, on the other hand, is a completely different thing. Effort is gentle. It is focused and determined. It is seeing the outcome and heading in that direction. Effort is required in everything we do: Getting dressed in the morning, driving to work, making a meal, writing a blog. Effort is also required in relationships. More importantly, balanced effort is a must. Balanced effort means that the goal of both people involved is to make the relationship amazing. It's not about making the other person happy, and vice-versa, because we cannot rely on others for our own happiness. 

It's about making the effort and taking the time to adjust your own vibration to what you want. It's never about arguing who is right. It's never about trying to get that person to respect you. Respect yourself. Love yourself. Truly, completely, and without reservation. Your partner will either adjust their own vibration to meet up with your new vibration, or they will simply fade away and someone else will come into your life that is a better match for you. 

The Universe doesn't make mistakes, and it will always comply with your vibration, regardless if you are deliberately creating it or creating by default. 

So, beautiful souls, get into the vibe of ease and flow; it will take effort, but the good kind. When you do, you will wonder why you didn't do it in the first place. 

Namaste! 

Sticking Around... When It's Time to Let Go

We’ve all been there... hey, maybe you're there right now. You know what I mean...in a relationship that isn’t working. Maybe you are waiting around for that person to decide if they want to be in a relationship with you, or maybe you are waiting for something to change. Or, perhaps, you are waiting for the other person to change, or some divine intervention to show you what to do, to make the decision for you.

When a relationship is on its way out; when it’s reached its expiration date; when it’s time to pack it in, we can feel it. We know it.

But, we usually aren't honest with ourselves enough to take the next step.

Why? Well, what if we are wrong? What if we can’t find someone else? What if things change tomorrow? What if the other person comes to the realization that they can’t live without us? And what about all that work, work, work of rebuilding our lives without that person? It's exhausting!

Rather than being true to ourselves and what our emotions are telling us, we stick around because it validates our level of lovability and desirability. Maybe we think we’ve found 'The One' because we feel a deep connection with them, even though we aren't getting the type of relationship that we want from them.

The relationship is unsatisfying, and you know you've been trying really hard to make it work. Unfortunately, it becomes more of a struggle while performing an in-depth analysis with your friends (over a bottle of wine) about what the other person has done or said. 

Now what? It hurts to leave and it hurts to stay.

In the blatantly honest words of a friend of mine: “If he isn’t all over your beautiful ass and begging for more of you, he isn’t worthy.”

The person in your life, or the person you want in your life, should want to be with you. It's that simple.

They should want to check on you to see how you are doing. There should be effort involved. If you are the one doing all the connecting, and you are unsatisfied with the progress of things (and you really want them to be all over your beautiful ass and they aren't), then it’s time to move on.

There is someone else out there that will be everything you are looking for and more. 

Namaste, beautiful souls!

Our Greatest Teachers

Who are your greatest spiritual teachers? 

They don’t have to be the typical ones that we commonly think of like, Buddha, Gandhi, or Jesus.

Actually, they can be those who have brought you the most pain.

I know this seems a little ‘out there’, but we can gain a lot of knowledge from those people who have treated us not so kindly and with derision.

Last week, I watched an interview with Shirley MacLaine and she was asked this very question. Who were her spiritual teachers? She said that her greatest spiritual teachers were those who have caused her the most pain.

Taking a step back from this, you’d think that the woman enjoyed being mistreated. However, this wasn't the case. What she was saying was that those who have caused her the most pain were giving her more clarity of what she didn't want to bring into her life.

Being mistreated, disrespected, not getting the love that you want, or being treated unkindly by these people can help us to grow and evolve into the human being that we want to be.

There have been many times where I have been mistreated or that I hear of others showing disrespect and I think, ‘I don’t want to be like that. Be a better person. Always strive to be a better person.’

But, it also comes back to how we treat ourselves. If another person is mistreating us and we are putting up with it, and have been for quite some time, this is an opportunity for us to look inward and understand what we are bringing to the situation. It's time to ask those hard questions of why are we choosing to stay when the relationship does not serve us for our highest good.

However, if you have gotten out of a relationship, and still harbour resentment or bad feelings, take a look at how the relationship has served you. What new knowledge have you garnered from that relationship?

Take that experience, take that new understanding, and realize that something even better will come along. It always does. 

Happiness is an Inside Job

Photo Credit: Tamara Hanson

I heard this one time: Happiness isn’t the purpose in life. Too me, this is a false assumption. Isn’t joy and happiness part of what we want out of life? We want to be joyful and happy…. Who wouldn’t? Why would you want to be miserable?

Happiness is not something that comes when things are going well… although it helps. Happiness is a choice. Just like every other emotion: sadness, anger, love …it’s all a choice. We get to choose how we feel.

Although it may appear that the people in our lives are supposed to make us happy and, if they don’t, well, then what’s the point of them being around? When we are in relationships, many friends or family members might ask us what it is that we love about that person, and many of us will answer that he or she makes us happy.

Firstly, asking what it is that we love about someone is based on conditions that they need to act a certain way and then they will be lovable enough.  

Secondly, no one can make you happy, complete you, or make you feel anything. That feeling already exists within you. It’s already there. When someone gives us their undivided attention, showers us with love and devotion, they are only bringing out what exists inside of us.

We are already joyful and happy. Don’t rely on someone else to bring it out in you. They don’t bring you that emotion since it is already there, present in each and every one of us. All they are doing is enhancing it.

When you rely on someone to make you happy…or complete, you are giving your power over to someone else to provide these things to you. Only you can provide it.

When you are unhappy with someone’s behaviour and you feel that they are being selfish for acting or doing a certain thing, and then ask yourself if you are being selfish because that person isn’t making you feel better.  

Happiness and joy begins with you. When you really understand this, you will never again allow the actions of another to sway these positive feelings. And, as always, respect yourself enough to leave a situation where you are not being respected and cared for. You deserve better.