That's Not a Good Enough Offer for Me

I'm not sure if you've seen Bridget Jones' Diary, but near the end of the movie when Daniel Cleaver is lying in the street, after Mark Darcy hands him his ass, he says to Bridget Jones,  

"Come on Bridget, we belong together - you, me, poor little skirt. If I can't make it with you, then I can't make it with anyone."

After a few seconds of pondering, and realizing that Daniel will never give her what she needs, she says, "That's not a good enough offer for me."

This is probably one of the most revelatory moments in the entire movie, not only for Bridget, but for others who have been in Bridget's shoes.

We go through life stuck in waiting mode. We wait for our love interest to realize that they truly love us and can't live without us. We wait for that person to see our perfection and our worthiness, hoping that they will realize we are the best thing ever to come into their lives. We stay stuck waiting and hoping that this other person, the one who pushes us away as fast as they pull us into their lives, will realize how much they need us, validating who we are, not realizing that they are, most likely, very much a 'Daniel Cleaver'.

If you are experiencing uncertainty in your love life with regards to another person, ask yourself the following: 

• Why am I allowing this? 
• Why am I hanging around when I'm not getting what I need or want? 

Saying you are sticking around because you 'really love someone and it's really good when we are together' is great, but what about the in between parts? Let me explain: Loving someone is truly amazing. Being 'good' together when you are 'actually together' is also lovely. But, what is going on during those times of uncertainty? Relationships are partnerships where there is no question where you stand with the other person. If you are always playing scenarios in your mind about why he/she hasn't called/texted yet, or racking your brain about what you said or did that pushed that person away, then you aren't getting what you want and need from this relationship. 

Ask yourself, dear friends, "Is this a good enough offer for me?"

Bridget Jones came to the point where she wasn't willing to settle with someone who was unsure about her. She wanted the certainty. She wanted someone to love and respect her as much as she could give love and respect back. She wanted more. 

You deserve more. 

Letting the Past Go

Things that we did or didn't do, how we acted or reacted, or who we have hurt--we all tend to get stuck in this place of 'what-ifs' or 'shouldn't haves', wondering what could have been different. We hold onto past situations and behaviours with the belief that this is who we are, and if only we could change it.

Eckhart Tolle says that we should deeply realize that the present moment is all we have and that our primary focus in life is NOW. Not what happened yesterday or 10 years ago, and not what might happen tomorrow or 10 years from now...right now, this moment is all we have. 

Any past situations that you experienced, whether good or bad, happened because you were a energetic match to them. What happened in that moment occurred because you were ready to expand for more, and any contrasting experience was put in front of you so you could choose something different....something lovelier, nicer, kinder.

It can be difficult to understand that any perceived negative experience might actually work to our advantage. We view negative situations as something undesirable, and they certainly are in that moment. But, it's these experiences that wake us up, that make us choose differently in each moment. It's these experiences that make us pay attention to what we are doing and how we are feeling. 

Anything that you have been holding onto from the past that might be keeping you stuck, it's time to let it go. It has served it's purpose: it has shaken you awake. That old stuff can't be changed, no matter how hard you try. 

So, dear Beautiful Friends, take those things from the past and stand on top of them. Then, reach out your hand and grasp something better.

Namaste.  

You Can't Put Whipped Cream on Top of Crap....

Most of us can attest to being in a relationship where things aren't going so well; where things seem to be crumbling all around us. 

You are lost and don't know what to do as you desperately try to put the pieces back together; trying to hold everything up with tape or glue, or whatever adhesive you have on hand, while you make only surface adjustments. 

Basically, you are putting whipped cream on top of crap and calling it a sundae, even though it'll still taste like crap. 

A relationship built on a rocky foundation is like being lost at sea, floating in a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean. The boat springs a leak, and you put one finger in the hole to stop the water from flowing in, only to discover another hole has appeared. You can continue to do this if you like, but it's not going to give you a long term solution. The boat will eventually sink.

So, what is the answer to building a strong foundation from day one of your relationship?

Apply the following (to yourself and to your lover): 

• Love
• Respect
• Trust
• Integrity
• Appreciation
• Loyalty
• Friendship

This is a reciprocal thing based on giving and receiving from both parties. If there is no flow of the above, if the above does not exist, then the foundation will crumble. 

How to build a weak foundation: 

• Base the relationship solely on physical attraction or sex.
• Base the relationship on superficial/material things (like what they do for a living, money, where they live, what they drive, or the type of connections they can provide) 
• Do not love yourself enough first.
• Have very little in common with the other person. 
• Begin a relationship because you are lonely.
• Do not deal with your insecurities first.
• You are looking for validation of your worth and lovability.

Enter into a new relationship with confidence, security, love, and appreciation for yourself first, because when you are able to give these key ingredients to yourself, you will be able to give them to another. However, if you are not receiving these things in return, then the relationship is not worth the effort. Love yourself enough to know this and to move on. 

Remember, you are worth the best that the world has to offer!

Much love to you! 

Namaste.