Reveal Your Heart

"What you are willing to show your partner first, that is where your worth lies." This is a quote by my good friend, Melissa. We had been talking about love and self worth, observing that what we are willing to reveal to another person first is where our self worth lies.

When we feel we are lacking in the worth department, we will reveal to others things that hold very little value; superficial things that really don't show others our true magnificence. We believe that our worth and desirability will be validated if we can show others how worthy we are through our income, our sexual prowess, our education, our over achievement... and the list goes on. While these things have some use to a degree, they aren't what make us worthy or valid.

We've all been hurt and we've all been rejected. It's part of life and it has nothing to do with our worth or who we are. Rejection and hurt is all ego. The ego is consistently looking for someone to validate it because that's what gives it more momentum; that's what keeps ego alive. The ego likes to jump on the couch and yell, "Look at me. Look at me."

When we reveal our heart, when we aren't afraid to open it up so others can see what's inside, that is when our light truly shines. Don't be afraid to love. Don't be afraid to open up your heart and send love out to the world. You must love yourself so deeply that you will not be able to experience the intense pain from rejection or hurt. If the pain of a break up were to happen, the grief would be minuscule.

Let your love flow like an ocean to your own heart; it will overflow and swell to the point where it has no where else to go but out into the Universe. Try this for 30 days. Be mindful about your feelings and consistently send love to your beautiful heart. Then, don't be afraid to reveal that beauty to the world.

Stay true to yourself and own your magnificence!

Want to learn more about loving yourself inside and out? Check out the women's wellness weekend in Arizona July 16-19, 2015. We would love to see you there!

That's Not a Good Enough Offer for Me

I'm not sure if you've seen Bridget Jones' Diary, but near the end of the movie when Daniel Cleaver is lying in the street, after Mark Darcy hands him his ass, he says to Bridget Jones,  

"Come on Bridget, we belong together - you, me, poor little skirt. If I can't make it with you, then I can't make it with anyone."

After a few seconds of pondering, and realizing that Daniel will never give her what she needs, she says, "That's not a good enough offer for me."

This is probably one of the most revelatory moments in the entire movie, not only for Bridget, but for others who have been in Bridget's shoes.

We go through life stuck in waiting mode. We wait for our love interest to realize that they truly love us and can't live without us. We wait for that person to see our perfection and our worthiness, hoping that they will realize we are the best thing ever to come into their lives. We stay stuck waiting and hoping that this other person, the one who pushes us away as fast as they pull us into their lives, will realize how much they need us, validating who we are, not realizing that they are, most likely, very much a 'Daniel Cleaver'.

If you are experiencing uncertainty in your love life with regards to another person, ask yourself the following: 

• Why am I allowing this? 
• Why am I hanging around when I'm not getting what I need or want? 

Saying you are sticking around because you 'really love someone and it's really good when we are together' is great, but what about the in between parts? Let me explain: Loving someone is truly amazing. Being 'good' together when you are 'actually together' is also lovely. But, what is going on during those times of uncertainty? Relationships are partnerships where there is no question where you stand with the other person. If you are always playing scenarios in your mind about why he/she hasn't called/texted yet, or racking your brain about what you said or did that pushed that person away, then you aren't getting what you want and need from this relationship. 

Ask yourself, dear friends, "Is this a good enough offer for me?"

Bridget Jones came to the point where she wasn't willing to settle with someone who was unsure about her. She wanted the certainty. She wanted someone to love and respect her as much as she could give love and respect back. She wanted more. 

You deserve more. 

Happiness is an Inside Job

Photo Credit: Tamara Hanson

I heard this one time: Happiness isn’t the purpose in life. Too me, this is a false assumption. Isn’t joy and happiness part of what we want out of life? We want to be joyful and happy…. Who wouldn’t? Why would you want to be miserable?

Happiness is not something that comes when things are going well… although it helps. Happiness is a choice. Just like every other emotion: sadness, anger, love …it’s all a choice. We get to choose how we feel.

Although it may appear that the people in our lives are supposed to make us happy and, if they don’t, well, then what’s the point of them being around? When we are in relationships, many friends or family members might ask us what it is that we love about that person, and many of us will answer that he or she makes us happy.

Firstly, asking what it is that we love about someone is based on conditions that they need to act a certain way and then they will be lovable enough.  

Secondly, no one can make you happy, complete you, or make you feel anything. That feeling already exists within you. It’s already there. When someone gives us their undivided attention, showers us with love and devotion, they are only bringing out what exists inside of us.

We are already joyful and happy. Don’t rely on someone else to bring it out in you. They don’t bring you that emotion since it is already there, present in each and every one of us. All they are doing is enhancing it.

When you rely on someone to make you happy…or complete, you are giving your power over to someone else to provide these things to you. Only you can provide it.

When you are unhappy with someone’s behaviour and you feel that they are being selfish for acting or doing a certain thing, and then ask yourself if you are being selfish because that person isn’t making you feel better.  

Happiness and joy begins with you. When you really understand this, you will never again allow the actions of another to sway these positive feelings. And, as always, respect yourself enough to leave a situation where you are not being respected and cared for. You deserve better.