Rebuilding the Relationship with Yourself

If you’re like me, you more than likely have given all of yourself in a loving relationship--working hard at compromising and understanding one another; making it work on the days where you just don’t seem to be getting along. Giving of yourself to a point where you are spent and have nothing left to give anymore. 

And, while they say that working at a relationship is key to a long lasting happily ever after, I say that there are other factors involved: one is alignment and the second is making sure that your needs are being taken care of.

Sometimes, we give so much of ourselves that we lose ourselves in the process. We become someone else for someone else. We do everything for another person leaving very little to give to us. This depletion leaves us tired, resentful and angry.

The key is to rebuild (and maintain) the relationship with yourself. You are an integral component to your loving relationship. You will be with yourself for the rest of your life, and need to dedicate yourself to you as well. How do you dedicate yourself to yourself? 

1)      Find out what makes you happy and make a promise to do those things.

2)    Do loving things for yourself. 

3)    Do something that will take care of you. 

4)    Talk to yourself as if you were talking to someone you absolutely loved. 

5)    Do these things on a consistent basis.

While we always wish the other person in our relationship would change, the fact is we

can't make anyone change, we can only change ourselves. 

The only relationship that really matters is the relationship between you and You: The

relationship with yourself. When you are more loving toward yourself, more respectful,

more dedicated, choosing that your happiness is key and only you can make you

happy, then your relationships will reflect this for you. Honour who you are and what you

are made of because you are important and you are worth it. 

Stay true to yourselves, lovely friends. 

PS: Want to find out how you can love yourself even more? Join me and Michelle Ponto for a Women's Wellness Weekend in July. Click here for details.

Reveal Your Heart

"What you are willing to show your partner first, that is where your worth lies." This is a quote by my good friend, Melissa. We had been talking about love and self worth, observing that what we are willing to reveal to another person first is where our self worth lies.

When we feel we are lacking in the worth department, we will reveal to others things that hold very little value; superficial things that really don't show others our true magnificence. We believe that our worth and desirability will be validated if we can show others how worthy we are through our income, our sexual prowess, our education, our over achievement... and the list goes on. While these things have some use to a degree, they aren't what make us worthy or valid.

We've all been hurt and we've all been rejected. It's part of life and it has nothing to do with our worth or who we are. Rejection and hurt is all ego. The ego is consistently looking for someone to validate it because that's what gives it more momentum; that's what keeps ego alive. The ego likes to jump on the couch and yell, "Look at me. Look at me."

When we reveal our heart, when we aren't afraid to open it up so others can see what's inside, that is when our light truly shines. Don't be afraid to love. Don't be afraid to open up your heart and send love out to the world. You must love yourself so deeply that you will not be able to experience the intense pain from rejection or hurt. If the pain of a break up were to happen, the grief would be minuscule.

Let your love flow like an ocean to your own heart; it will overflow and swell to the point where it has no where else to go but out into the Universe. Try this for 30 days. Be mindful about your feelings and consistently send love to your beautiful heart. Then, don't be afraid to reveal that beauty to the world.

Stay true to yourself and own your magnificence!

Want to learn more about loving yourself inside and out? Check out the women's wellness weekend in Arizona July 16-19, 2015. We would love to see you there!

Preparing for Love

Getting yourself ready for love is like preparing yourself for any major life event. Think about it: love is a big deal, and if you aren't prepared for it properly, it could end badly. This isn't to say that, once you prepare for love, the relationship will be everlasting. Nothing is guaranteed, things happen, and people grow apart. However, you want to make sure you prepare for love so you are attracting what you want.

There are many ways that we can prepare for love. For instance, buy something nice to wear on a first date, or declutter the bedroom to make it more conducive to romance and welcoming a lover.

While doing the outside preparation is a requirement, the inside preparation is more important. To prepare for love, we have to go deep within ourselves.

Feeling extremely insecure about yourself will not attract the appropriate partner into your life. You may say you want a person with certain types of qualities and characteristics, but, for some reason, you always seem to attract the opposite (see previous blog post on why you attract the same types of relationships).

This is where you take a good look at yourself. What is it that you need to improve about you? One thing that most of us do not do is fully love and respect ourselves. Loving and respecting yourself should be number one on your list. How do you love and respect yourself? Are you honouring who you are? Are you honouring your own feelings? Are you staying true to who you are?

Have you let go of the past or are you holding on? Anger and resentment are two things that we easily can bring into our new relationship. If we've been hurt in the past, and haven't effectively dealt with the pain, we can bring that garbage into our new shiny relationship. Is that really fair to the other person?  Is it fair to you?

You would expect the person you have a relationship with to honour and treasure your beautiful heart. But, that can't really happen if you don't honour and treasure it yourself. If you expect someone to do it for you, you may be disappointed if they don't follow through. Start by taking care of your own heart. When you do, someone will come into your life who will help you treasure it.

Dear lovely souls, Valentine's Day is around the corner. Make a promise to yourself to give yourself the loving care that you need. Do the work necessary for you to truly love you. You will not be disappointed. 

Authenticity - Part 2

This "Living Authentically" thing has been on my mind all week (see my previous blog post on Your Authentic Self). The conclusion that I came to was that: I'm not living authentically... and most people aren't.  

After I heard Alanis Morissette talk on Super Soul Sunday, it had me thinking lots about who I am. Truly.

She spoke about getting past the lies to the place where there is only truth. These lies that we tell ourselves usually come in the form of:

I'm not worthy.

I'm not valuable. 

My work is not valuable. 

I have nothing to offer. 

I'm not good enough. 

We wear a mask so others don't see what is really going on; not being straight forward with ourselves. Perhaps we are doing things that don't resonate with who we are, but do them to please others, save face, and to keep the facade going. When really, we are crumbling inside. 

When I speak of the authentic self, I'm not talking about the personality, or how we 'always' are when around others.

That is not the authentic self. Those things have to do with behaviours and beliefs that were instilled in us. That is your ego. That's the stuff we identify ourselves with, but are not who we really are. 

For me, it was a moment of realization: I'm not being authentic to me. I'm not doing those things that I resonate with. I'm not being true to who I am. I am not being true to where I want to go in this life experience. I'm not being authentic with others. I do things to make other people feel better at the cost of myself feeling worse. 

This happens in love relationships too: we adjust our behaviour to impress or accommodate. We lose ourselves. We tell ourselves that our needs do not need to be met. Our opinions aren't as important. Our time is not important. Our dreams are not important. 

We stop trusting our own guidance. We stop believing in our self worth. We stop believing in our own abilities.  We stop believing that we are this amazing being that can create worlds.

Have you been living authentically?

What lies have you told yourself? 

Keep shining, Beautiful Souls. 

You Are Love

Dear Beautiful Souls,

As I'm writing this, I'm wondering how I can impress upon you how amazingly beautiful you are!
Truly, take a look at your fantastic selves!
If you can't see it, then you aren't looking deep enough.

You have come this far and learned so much about life and love. You have made it through times of contrast and adversity, and still, here you are, standing strong and stable on your own two feet.

If you are still beating yourself up because of the past, then stop...it's done. The past only has power if you give it power.

You went through those difficult times to help you grow. Be proud of yourself and how far you have come! It's an amazing thing when we can look back and say, "Ya, that happened, and I know so much more now. I have become better because of it."

Realize that every single day you become better and better; it's all part of this lovely journey that you are on.
Let the path unfold before you in brilliant and luminescent colours of your choice. It always has been your choice. You get to decide if you want to reach for a higher place, or stay staring at what is. Because you are here right now means you want so much more; to reach for better than what you've had.

Are you ready to take the next step and unravel another layer of your beautiful self? Start pulling back the veil and watch what happens. Go deep inside your heart and discover what is lying there waiting for you to awaken it. When you do, the fire within you will grow so brightly that nothing can shake you.

Remember, it's not what you do, how much you have, or where you have been that determines who you are; it's how much you are able to love yourself and love others.

You are, and always have been, full of love.

You are love.

Namaste!

Stop Struggling!

I’ve been seeing a lot of quotes lately that indicate that, if there is no resistance on your journey, then you are making it too easy. If you experience some sort of struggle in whatever you are journeying towards, (career, relationship, weight loss…etc.) then there is increased worth in it.

Here are 6 words I want you to remember throughout life: There is no value in struggle. 

 If you are experiencing resistance/struggle, it’s because you are not aligned to your desire and you have decided to paddle upstream. Life is unfolding before you in the most beautiful way possible, and you have decided to buck your own current because you don’t believe the Universe can give you something better than what you have been getting. 

Instead, we muck around thinking that pointing our boat upstream is how we get what we desire. You know that saying: Go with the flow…that’s what life is supposed to be like. You know that song, Row, Row, Row Your Boat (gently down the stream)....you get the picture. 

An acquaintance of mine said this to me recently: “We project human failings and shortcomings onto the Universe, and then expect it to faff (his word) around and let us down in the same way that humans can do. Change it all with the belief I TRUST GOD/UNIVERSE TO SORT IT ALL OUT.” 

Certainly, there will be contrast on our journey, but this helps us to expand even more. The point is not to wallow in the contrast because that’s when you continue to get more of the unwanted. Realize and know that you want something better than what you are getting and turn toward that. Realize and know that you deserve something better than what you are getting and turn toward that! Become vibrationally aligned with what you want, keeping in mind it may not come in the physical form that you envision; it will be even better! 

It doesn’t mean that what you are doing won’t have effort involved. Of course it will! Just make it 'enjoyable effort'. Get aligned with it and make it fun. If it’s causing you pain or sadness, you’re not aligned with your desire. 

Dan Millman said: “Pain is a relatively objective, physical phenomenon; suffering is our psychological resistance to what happens. Events may create physical pain, but they do not in themselves create suffering. Resistance creates suffering. Stress happens when your mind resists what is... The only problem in your life is your mind's resistance to life as it unfolds.”

I couldn’t agree more! 

Namaste!

Happiness is an Inside Job

Photo Credit: Tamara Hanson

I heard this one time: Happiness isn’t the purpose in life. Too me, this is a false assumption. Isn’t joy and happiness part of what we want out of life? We want to be joyful and happy…. Who wouldn’t? Why would you want to be miserable?

Happiness is not something that comes when things are going well… although it helps. Happiness is a choice. Just like every other emotion: sadness, anger, love …it’s all a choice. We get to choose how we feel.

Although it may appear that the people in our lives are supposed to make us happy and, if they don’t, well, then what’s the point of them being around? When we are in relationships, many friends or family members might ask us what it is that we love about that person, and many of us will answer that he or she makes us happy.

Firstly, asking what it is that we love about someone is based on conditions that they need to act a certain way and then they will be lovable enough.  

Secondly, no one can make you happy, complete you, or make you feel anything. That feeling already exists within you. It’s already there. When someone gives us their undivided attention, showers us with love and devotion, they are only bringing out what exists inside of us.

We are already joyful and happy. Don’t rely on someone else to bring it out in you. They don’t bring you that emotion since it is already there, present in each and every one of us. All they are doing is enhancing it.

When you rely on someone to make you happy…or complete, you are giving your power over to someone else to provide these things to you. Only you can provide it.

When you are unhappy with someone’s behaviour and you feel that they are being selfish for acting or doing a certain thing, and then ask yourself if you are being selfish because that person isn’t making you feel better.  

Happiness and joy begins with you. When you really understand this, you will never again allow the actions of another to sway these positive feelings. And, as always, respect yourself enough to leave a situation where you are not being respected and cared for. You deserve better. 

The Most Important Thing....

There are hundreds of topics to choose from when writing about relationships; but the most important of them all is: The Love of Self. 

This is a huge one. We tend to grow through life not loving ourselves enough, hoping that someone else will fill that need for us, and love us into loving ourselves. Or, hoping we become lovable enough if we are loved. But, what if that person leaves? Then what? Do we once again become unlovable?

This is why loving yourself first is so very important. Before you get into that relationship, before you sign yourself up for online dating website, or before you consider speed dating, love yourself first.

What it means to love yourself: 

Lately, you may have heard the buzz about loving yourself. Everyone may nod their heads in agreement, but does anyone take any action when it comes to loving themselves fully?

Maybe giving yourself some downtime, or buying yourself something nice is loving yourself. Or possibly taking time for an occasional massage or pedicure, nice meal or vacation.

Love of self means something different to everyone;  but, at the basis of it, loving yourself means respect. It means understanding your needs and wants. It means caring enough for yourself to never mistreat yourself or let others mistreat you. It means that, no matter what, caring for yourself, your body, mind and spirit is at the top of the list.

It also means looking in the mirror everyday and being kind to yourself. Looking in the mirror being happy with what you see. It’s getting up in the morning and not having those negative thoughts pervade you for the next 14 hours; those thoughts about how you aren’t enough, or why didn’t you do that thing you should have done, or why didn’t you exercise, or why did you eat those cookies? Why did you spend that money? 

It’s getting up everyday and saying, 'I’m great'. 'I’m perfect just the way I am.' 'I accept me and I’m accepting of me.' This doesn’t mean that, if you want to grow and evolve in body, mind, and spirit, you can’t. It’s about making peace with what is happening right in this moment, and say, 'It’s okay. Just keep going.'

When my children were learning to walk, I never berated them for not knowing how to do it on their first try. I encouraged them if they fell down, and told them it's okay, and to try again. 

This should be the same with how we treat ourselves. It’s okay. Just try again. You will get there. Love yourself and who you are right now. Love yourself no matter what. When we love ourselves, that love will shine through for the world to see. 

Every day and in every single moment, we all have the power to choose differently.

PS: Soul Love Awakening proudly supports worldwide charities. Find out how: Prairiegirlpress.spreadshirt.ca .

  

I Think I Love You

There's something to be said about the caring nature of people. I, for one, have never felt lack of support and love. I have been fortunate enough to be abundant in friends and family, and their unwavering love and support. Humans, deep down at the core, are gracious, kind, and loving. This I have no doubt. 

When Trevor passed 2 years ago today, and my world seemed to crumble all around me,  I was quickly and lovingly blanketed in support, love, and kindness. Friends, family, and people I had never met, graciously offered shoulders to lean on. Even my ex did what he could to make things easier. I know...right?

2 years ago, I never thought I would get to this point where the hurting would be lessened to a dull ache. It seems like forever ago, and only yesterday. But the past is the past, and I don't live there anymore; it cannot be changed. These anniversary dates are not meant to be avoided or cursed; it is in these moments where we have to step out and step up... to stand at the fork in the road and choose the path that will take us on an even greater journey. 

I am sincerely grateful to Trevor for the love, respect, and kindness he brought to my life. I was one of the fortunate ones to have been loved so deeply.The time we spent together, as short as it was, has made me so keenly aware of what love should look like...and I refuse to settle for less. This picture is of the final words he wrote to me on my Valentine's Day card. 

Sometimes, we don't see how we are truly loved and cared for as we go about our busy lives. But I know it's there whenever I need it.

My message to you is this: when you are in the depths of despair; when you don't see how love could possibly come knocking at your door again, or that there is no way you could feel happy again---believe that it's possible. Believe that the brilliant light that is flickering inside of you will burst forth from deep within your core, shining a spotlight on love, because love is always there.

Know that, in this moment, and the next, and the next one after that, you will be led to better moments and greater clarity. That is the journey. Don't accept anything less than love. And don't treat yourself with anything less than love. 

"Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires; To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully." - Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

I think I love you. It means more than love of another person.... It's also about loving yourself.

This is the place to understand about love and loss; respect and discovering, clarity and unfolding; moving on and evolving.

On this day, two years ago, I lost my love. During these last two years, I have seen others struggle in their relationships, and not treat themselves with enough love and respect to make things better. There is always a better way.

I figured it was time to marry my psychology degree and my love for writing, and put it into something useful. Hopefully, some solace and reassurance can be found here for those seeking it.

This blog is dedicated to Trevor.