Why I'm Not Afraid to Love Again: A Valentine's Day Story

It's Valentine's Day and also the third anniversary since my beloved passed away. Please, don’t feel sorry for me. 

Yes, his death crushed me and there was a time when I wondered how I would be able to ever move forward. I wasn't sure if the pain would ever move out of my heart or if I would ever feel normal again. I wasn't sure if I would ever get to the point of moving on or living fully. 

But I have. With one foot in front of the other, I have. 

Sometimes, we can’t understand why someone has to leave us. That's the thing about death: we can never ask the person who has died why they had to go. We can’t ask them that, if things were done differently, maybe they would still be here. We can't keep wondering if only we could turn back the hands of time and do something different, maybe this wouldn't have happened. We also can’t continue to beat ourselves up with questions of ‘what if’.

The point is, they have chosen that path. Whether consciously or subconsciously, it was all up to them. And we have to honour their choice. As much as it hurts, as much as we feel left behind, them leaving has nothing to do with us and everything to do with them wanting to move on. We have to respect that.

Do I still have questions? Definitely. But, I never regret my time spent with him. I never feel like I’ve been handed a bad deal. I loved him with all my heart, and still do. What he gave to me has given me the strength to carry on. 

Do I have bad days? Yes, of course. It’s human to have these feelings. 
But, then I think about the love he gave. What a lovely gift I was given! He showed me what deep and beautiful love is. This is something I will treasure forever!

I’m not afraid to love again. This amazing love that we had was full of respect and kindness, and was a true gift... and I want that again. This is one of the reasons why I won't settle. 

When you feel like you can’t move on; when you feel like you have been hurt too much and wonder how it's possible to love again; when you wonder if it's possible if someone else can come into your life to help you to fully experience love, remember that it is always possible. There is always a way. The Universe is a much better planner than you! 

Keep your eyes open. Keep your heart open. Make sure you are giving back to yourself the love you are sending out. Feel and know your worth. And, take it easy. Don't push. Feel the gentleness of it. 

Happy Valentine’s Day, lovely souls. Love yourself fully. And, no matter what, don’t be afraid to love again! 

Preparing for Love

Getting yourself ready for love is like preparing yourself for any major life event. Think about it: love is a big deal, and if you aren't prepared for it properly, it could end badly. This isn't to say that, once you prepare for love, the relationship will be everlasting. Nothing is guaranteed, things happen, and people grow apart. However, you want to make sure you prepare for love so you are attracting what you want.

There are many ways that we can prepare for love. For instance, buy something nice to wear on a first date, or declutter the bedroom to make it more conducive to romance and welcoming a lover.

While doing the outside preparation is a requirement, the inside preparation is more important. To prepare for love, we have to go deep within ourselves.

Feeling extremely insecure about yourself will not attract the appropriate partner into your life. You may say you want a person with certain types of qualities and characteristics, but, for some reason, you always seem to attract the opposite (see previous blog post on why you attract the same types of relationships).

This is where you take a good look at yourself. What is it that you need to improve about you? One thing that most of us do not do is fully love and respect ourselves. Loving and respecting yourself should be number one on your list. How do you love and respect yourself? Are you honouring who you are? Are you honouring your own feelings? Are you staying true to who you are?

Have you let go of the past or are you holding on? Anger and resentment are two things that we easily can bring into our new relationship. If we've been hurt in the past, and haven't effectively dealt with the pain, we can bring that garbage into our new shiny relationship. Is that really fair to the other person?  Is it fair to you?

You would expect the person you have a relationship with to honour and treasure your beautiful heart. But, that can't really happen if you don't honour and treasure it yourself. If you expect someone to do it for you, you may be disappointed if they don't follow through. Start by taking care of your own heart. When you do, someone will come into your life who will help you treasure it.

Dear lovely souls, Valentine's Day is around the corner. Make a promise to yourself to give yourself the loving care that you need. Do the work necessary for you to truly love you. You will not be disappointed. 

I Think I Love You

There's something to be said about the caring nature of people. I, for one, have never felt lack of support and love. I have been fortunate enough to be abundant in friends and family, and their unwavering love and support. Humans, deep down at the core, are gracious, kind, and loving. This I have no doubt. 

When Trevor passed 2 years ago today, and my world seemed to crumble all around me,  I was quickly and lovingly blanketed in support, love, and kindness. Friends, family, and people I had never met, graciously offered shoulders to lean on. Even my ex did what he could to make things easier. I know...right?

2 years ago, I never thought I would get to this point where the hurting would be lessened to a dull ache. It seems like forever ago, and only yesterday. But the past is the past, and I don't live there anymore; it cannot be changed. These anniversary dates are not meant to be avoided or cursed; it is in these moments where we have to step out and step up... to stand at the fork in the road and choose the path that will take us on an even greater journey. 

I am sincerely grateful to Trevor for the love, respect, and kindness he brought to my life. I was one of the fortunate ones to have been loved so deeply.The time we spent together, as short as it was, has made me so keenly aware of what love should look like...and I refuse to settle for less. This picture is of the final words he wrote to me on my Valentine's Day card. 

Sometimes, we don't see how we are truly loved and cared for as we go about our busy lives. But I know it's there whenever I need it.

My message to you is this: when you are in the depths of despair; when you don't see how love could possibly come knocking at your door again, or that there is no way you could feel happy again---believe that it's possible. Believe that the brilliant light that is flickering inside of you will burst forth from deep within your core, shining a spotlight on love, because love is always there.

Know that, in this moment, and the next, and the next one after that, you will be led to better moments and greater clarity. That is the journey. Don't accept anything less than love. And don't treat yourself with anything less than love. 

"Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires; To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully." - Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

I think I love you. It means more than love of another person.... It's also about loving yourself.

This is the place to understand about love and loss; respect and discovering, clarity and unfolding; moving on and evolving.

On this day, two years ago, I lost my love. During these last two years, I have seen others struggle in their relationships, and not treat themselves with enough love and respect to make things better. There is always a better way.

I figured it was time to marry my psychology degree and my love for writing, and put it into something useful. Hopefully, some solace and reassurance can be found here for those seeking it.

This blog is dedicated to Trevor.