Intimacy and Trust

We humans are a funny and fickle bunch. We are sent here to love and be loved but we would prefer to hold back our love for fear of being hurt. We would prefer to resist something amazing from coming into our lives because we fear that we may experience the same pain from the past.

We hold ourselves back because the thought of the potential pain is too much to handle. Who wants to be blindsided? It hurts like a son-of-a-birch-tree when you are blindsided. You feel unprotected and naked. Why would we want to expose our beautiful heart to something that could potentially hurt it?

Then, there is the flip side to all of that--it's something that our heart knows to be true: It's to love and to be loved. To love despite what is happening.

That is where intimacy comes in. Intimacy with your partner is about trust. It's about opening up to the flow of life, and it is the most beautiful way to share your heart. Intimacy is about that special connection between two people that brings you closer together. 

Well being, trust and intimacy are all part of the same package. We all tend to hold our heart energy close to us, holding it tightly so no one can take it away again, as if it were something to steal. We don't want to be the fool, especially when we give so much of ourselves.

To love another person, to be fully open to another, this is when our heart's energy expands. When it expands, we can open up to the full potential of our loving selves.

The ultimate in life is to share love. Do not pass up the chance to love. 

Healing the Past

The past likes to take a hold of us and make us relive it, in all its glory, in our minds and hearts. If it's a good memory, then we are golden. We love every minute of it because we can get into a good place while reminiscing, making our hearts burst with happiness and joy.

Then, there are things from the past that we regret, that we wish we could change. We relive those memories with remorse, beating ourselves up time and again.
Why didn't I do what I should have done? 
Why did I say that? 
Why was I so stupid?

There is this constant dialogue, usually on a daily basis, about how we could have done something differently; how we could have not hurt that person. Or, why did we waste so much time on trying to impress someone, make someone happy, when it ended badly? So many regrets of things we cannot change.

What burden have you been carrying for a long time? Has it served you? Has it helped you at all? If you have been hanging onto a past burden, and it has not propelled you forward allowing you to live happily and joyfully, then it is time to let it go. Adversity should only be a small portion of our brilliant lives. We should acknowledge the contrast as an opportunity for more growth, not as an excuse to beat ourselves up for the rest of our lives.

You can't change the past. The events that occurred have already happened. You can wish them undone, but it will always be. However, you can heal the past:

1) Send love to those you feel you've hurt. No need for excuses. Just send love.
2) Send love to the situation.
3) Realize in every moment you are making yourself better and better. The contrasting experience has made you more aware of what you truly want.
4) Send love and forgiveness to yourself. No matter what has happened, you need to forgive and love yourself.
5) Realize that you did what you could with the knowledge and resources you had in that moment. We are born perfectly imperfect. We are here to grow and experience. And we will continue to grow and experience the rest of our lives. Enjoy it!
5) Look forward and take the next step. Don't look back; you aren't going that way.

Remember, what has happened in the past has made you stronger, has given you clarity, and has made you an even better person than you have ever been. Thank the past for coming along and giving you the things you have experienced.

Most importantly, thank yourself for gaining the clarity you needed to help you take the next step to where you want to go.

Just like Bagger Vance said in the Legend of Bagger Vance, "You've been carrying this burden long enough. Time to go on.... lay it down."

Lay down your burdens and keep moving forward, Beautiful Souls!

Namaste. 

You Are Love

Dear Beautiful Souls,

As I'm writing this, I'm wondering how I can impress upon you how amazingly beautiful you are!
Truly, take a look at your fantastic selves!
If you can't see it, then you aren't looking deep enough.

You have come this far and learned so much about life and love. You have made it through times of contrast and adversity, and still, here you are, standing strong and stable on your own two feet.

If you are still beating yourself up because of the past, then stop...it's done. The past only has power if you give it power.

You went through those difficult times to help you grow. Be proud of yourself and how far you have come! It's an amazing thing when we can look back and say, "Ya, that happened, and I know so much more now. I have become better because of it."

Realize that every single day you become better and better; it's all part of this lovely journey that you are on.
Let the path unfold before you in brilliant and luminescent colours of your choice. It always has been your choice. You get to decide if you want to reach for a higher place, or stay staring at what is. Because you are here right now means you want so much more; to reach for better than what you've had.

Are you ready to take the next step and unravel another layer of your beautiful self? Start pulling back the veil and watch what happens. Go deep inside your heart and discover what is lying there waiting for you to awaken it. When you do, the fire within you will grow so brightly that nothing can shake you.

Remember, it's not what you do, how much you have, or where you have been that determines who you are; it's how much you are able to love yourself and love others.

You are, and always have been, full of love.

You are love.

Namaste!

Why You are Attracting the Same Types of Relationships

Scenario:

You've recently gotten out of a relationship because the two of you are no longer jiving. You remember the good old days when you used to click…but now...well, the Righteous Brother’s song “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” comes to mind.

You’ve had enough of your ex’s behaviour...and, quite frankly, it reminds you of your previous relationship with old 'so-and-so'.

You decide to start fresh and find someone that totally gets you…and you do! You two are connecting, the birds are singing, the planets are aligning!

Fast forward a few months and you start seeing many similarities between this person and your previous boyfriend/girlfriend.

So, what gives?

First, everything is energy. This means that like energy always attracts like energy. Your vibration is matching up with a similar vibration.

When you enter into a new relationship and you discover you’ve attracted the same thing, except different person, what has happened is your vibration has not changed. If the last 5 partners have all been eerily similar, then there is something that you need to work on inside of you to change your vibration of what you truly want to attract.

Abraham –Hicks calls this 'working a vibrational groove’. You basically have made your current vibration a habit and are now creating by default rather than deliberately. You probably don’t even realize that you are giving off that vibration because you are so used to it.

However, if you don’t like what you are creating, you have to get deliberate about it, and that means tending to your vibration. You need to be aware of what is going on inside you.

What are your internal thoughts and feelings about yourself, about relationships, about your significant other, or what you expect in a significant other? What are your beliefs regarding relationships? This is the work. 

The work isn’t signing up for an online dating site. The work isn’t changing your hair colour. The work is going deep within and finding out what is really going on.

So, what do you do about it? You start by changing your vibe. This means stop living like it’s the past. Stop replaying all those old scenarios of hurt and betrayal and confusion. Decide what it is you want. Decide how you want to feel, and then feel it. Don’t back down from feeling those good feelings. You really have to be on top of your thoughts and emotions to change to a new vibration. Once you get into the groove of these new thoughts and emotions, and the negative stuff takes a back seat, that’s when you start to see change happen! 

Namaste

The Past Has No Power

Photo Credit: Tamara Hanson

Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life said, “We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it.”

We tend to trap ourselves in the past hoping that if we replay it over and over, the outcome will change. 

But, it doesn’t.

We then proceed to chastise ourselves for making the decisions that we made, and continue to beat ourselves up, never resolving anything. It doesn’t matter what it is: it could be choosing a relationship that ended in heartbreak, or headache; or regret over the wasted years with the wrong person, and, if only we could get back that wasted time. If only time travel was possible!  

They say hindsight is always 20/20. If only we knew then what we know now, things would be different. Better choices would have been made. Happier choices.  

Or, maybe, we have been the person doing the mistreating and disrespecting, and the memory of this plays over and over in our minds. No one really means to hurt another; it usually means we are wounded ourselves.

Whatever it is, we feel replaying the past is helpful. But, it isn’t.

If you have to look back at the past, at least do it with loving eyes. You were making choices based on what you knew at the time and where you were in your life. Know that the past is in the past and has no power in the present…. unless you give it power. If you hurt someone, send them light and love. If someone hurt you, send them light and love. And then send light and love to yourself. Realize that the past doesn’t dictate the future, and these past events happen to offer us contrast. The more we know what we don’t want, the more we know what we do want. These are the lovely moments of growth.  

Past events should evolve us into a better person, and help us to become clearer at what we want in relationships and out of life. These life moments are where we begin to respect and love ourselves more.

An excellent article you might want to read is called Bargaining With Your Past Creates Regret in the Present by Suzanne Lachmann.

“People are all over the world telling their one dramatic story and how their life has turned into getting over this one event. Now their lives are more about the past than their future.”

― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters