The False Self

You may have heard the saying that we can't define ourselves by our past because we aren't that person anymore.

Unfortunately, we love to be labelled by past situations and events as if they are the things that give us our identity. We hold onto them so tightly, believing that we will become nothing if we lose this part of ourselves. This is our false self. This is the ego that puts on a mask and prances around pretending to be us, only for us to discover much later that the ego could never be who we truly are.

Cynthia Bourgeault said, “Beginning in infancy (or even before) each of us, in response to perceived threats to our well-being, develops a false self: a set of protective behaviours driven at root by a sense of need and lack. The essence of the false self is driven, addictive energy, consisting of tremendous emotional investment in compensatory "emotional programs for happiness," as Keating calls them."

The ego loves to hold onto outworn beliefs because it feels the need to be validated. There is a fear of letting go of our past because we do not want to lose ourselves in the process lest we disappear into oblivion. We have become so comfortably acquainted to that part of ourselves that, even though it no longer works for us, we accept it as who we are, arguing that 'you can't teach an old dog new tricks.'

When we start to experience ourselves by what we want to be, how we want to act, who we want to be, rather than by the false self created by the ego, then that is when things begin to shift.

If we continue to define our lives by our situations, life events, and illnesses, then we will continue to have the same experiences, and change will not come.

Dr. Joe Dispenza says the ego is useful for things like determining fight or flight, and for measuring safety or danger. When the ego starts holding you back, making you feel rotten about yourself, then you have a serious problem on your hands.

Marianne Williamson said, "We are either walking toward love or we are walking toward fear." Which one are you walking toward? Are you fearful all of the time? Then you are letting ego have its way with you. Don't let the ego hold you hostage. Love is the only thing that is real.

Dear beautiful souls, reach for something better because you ARE already something better.

Namaste.

PS: Soul Love Awakening supports worldwide charities. Discover how at Prairiegirlpress.spreadshirt.ca .

You Can't Put Whipped Cream on Top of Crap....

Most of us can attest to being in a relationship where things aren't going so well; where things seem to be crumbling all around us. 

You are lost and don't know what to do as you desperately try to put the pieces back together; trying to hold everything up with tape or glue, or whatever adhesive you have on hand, while you make only surface adjustments. 

Basically, you are putting whipped cream on top of crap and calling it a sundae, even though it'll still taste like crap. 

A relationship built on a rocky foundation is like being lost at sea, floating in a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean. The boat springs a leak, and you put one finger in the hole to stop the water from flowing in, only to discover another hole has appeared. You can continue to do this if you like, but it's not going to give you a long term solution. The boat will eventually sink.

So, what is the answer to building a strong foundation from day one of your relationship?

Apply the following (to yourself and to your lover): 

• Love
• Respect
• Trust
• Integrity
• Appreciation
• Loyalty
• Friendship

This is a reciprocal thing based on giving and receiving from both parties. If there is no flow of the above, if the above does not exist, then the foundation will crumble. 

How to build a weak foundation: 

• Base the relationship solely on physical attraction or sex.
• Base the relationship on superficial/material things (like what they do for a living, money, where they live, what they drive, or the type of connections they can provide) 
• Do not love yourself enough first.
• Have very little in common with the other person. 
• Begin a relationship because you are lonely.
• Do not deal with your insecurities first.
• You are looking for validation of your worth and lovability.

Enter into a new relationship with confidence, security, love, and appreciation for yourself first, because when you are able to give these key ingredients to yourself, you will be able to give them to another. However, if you are not receiving these things in return, then the relationship is not worth the effort. Love yourself enough to know this and to move on. 

Remember, you are worth the best that the world has to offer!

Much love to you! 

Namaste. 

Falling in Love with Someone's Potential

Have you fallen in love with someone's potential? Maybe you are in a relationship with someone who you are constantly buoying up while you feel as if you are sinking. Maybe you are with someone who makes you feel uncertain about where the relationship is headed. Or, maybe you feel frustrated because you are not getting the relationship that you deserve. If this is the case, ask yourself, 'Why am I holding on?'

Certainly, you can say that you are staying for love, because love is the greatest thing of all! But, are you loving yourself enough? You are sacrificing a lot for someone who is unwilling to put 100% into a relationship with you. You have shown up, but they haven't. Basically, you've been stood up.

Ask yourself again why you would stick around when you have been stood up so many times? It's like asking someone for 2 $10s to change a $20 and you only get 1 $10 back.

You can't be their saviour. You can't make them become something that you want. You can guide them, but you can't make them walk through the door. That is entirely up to them. 

Don't get me wrong, if the relationship is slowly progressing, then definitely keep moving forward. However, when there is little to no progress, and you begin to question the validity of the relationship, then it's time to re-evaluate. 

If you've seen the movie Bridget Jones' Diary, you'll remember the scene just after Mark Darcy and Daniel Cleaver fight each other in the street. 

Darcy leaves, while Cleaver, still lying on the ground, says to Bridget Jones, "Come on Bridget, we belong together - you, me, poor little skirt. If I can't make it with you, then I can't make it with anyone."

And Bridget, in that moment, comes to a very clear realization of exactly the type of relationship she's had with Daniel, and says, "That's not a good enough offer for me."

Is it a good enough offer for you? 

Namaste, Lovely Souls!

You Are Love

Dear Beautiful Souls,

As I'm writing this, I'm wondering how I can impress upon you how amazingly beautiful you are!
Truly, take a look at your fantastic selves!
If you can't see it, then you aren't looking deep enough.

You have come this far and learned so much about life and love. You have made it through times of contrast and adversity, and still, here you are, standing strong and stable on your own two feet.

If you are still beating yourself up because of the past, then stop...it's done. The past only has power if you give it power.

You went through those difficult times to help you grow. Be proud of yourself and how far you have come! It's an amazing thing when we can look back and say, "Ya, that happened, and I know so much more now. I have become better because of it."

Realize that every single day you become better and better; it's all part of this lovely journey that you are on.
Let the path unfold before you in brilliant and luminescent colours of your choice. It always has been your choice. You get to decide if you want to reach for a higher place, or stay staring at what is. Because you are here right now means you want so much more; to reach for better than what you've had.

Are you ready to take the next step and unravel another layer of your beautiful self? Start pulling back the veil and watch what happens. Go deep inside your heart and discover what is lying there waiting for you to awaken it. When you do, the fire within you will grow so brightly that nothing can shake you.

Remember, it's not what you do, how much you have, or where you have been that determines who you are; it's how much you are able to love yourself and love others.

You are, and always have been, full of love.

You are love.

Namaste!

Living What's Important

In relationships (even in the potential relationships), our energies are typically focused on the other person. Where's this going? How does he/she feel about me?

We begin to over-analyze everything that the other person said: every text, every emoticon. We drown ourselves in thoughts about the future and the what-ifs, and suddenly, it becomes a 24/7 guessing game of trying to validate the relationship. It's maddening! And, if the relationship doesn't work out, more craziness ensues as analysis is taken in a new direction.

I certainly have been party to this--this maddening cluster of thoughts and wonderings that don't seem to end. That is, until I was able to take a step back.
I mean, really step back and look. Remove the tunnel vision and look at the bigger picture.

For me, it was a realization that I had been focusing on the wrong things. I had made my passion and my purpose secondary over something or someone that I had been clinging to for no good reason.

But, this is what we do. We forget what is really important to us, hoping that someone will validate and love us, not realizing we are chasing a ghost of potential.

Have you done this? Are you always the one showing up dressed in your best outfit, and the other person doesn't show up at all? And, if they do, they are showing up sloppy for you?

If you have, take a step back and really look at the bigger picture. View it like a movie screen and take in everything. Every detail. Certainly, the hope in your heart wants you to see and believe in the potential. And there is nothing wrong with that. There is always possibility and the Universe is unlimited.

However, what is it that you are giving up of yourself? And what are you getting out of this situation?
Are you putting more in than you are receiving? And why did you attract this relationship? (see previous post on Why You Are Attracting the Same Types of Relationships.)

For me, I always go into 'fix it' mode, trying to help others; giving of my precious time and energy, only to put my passion and dreams on hold, till finally realizing that I was losing a piece of myself by buoying someone up. There is nothing wrong with helping out another, just don't be their crutch.

If you are going through a relationship transition or are uncertain about where a relationship is headed, take a step back. Then decide with a loving heart that you will focus on what's important to you, and then do it. Focus on it. Remember who you are. When you focus on what you love about yourself, about your passion, the right person will come along and join in with you.

I wish you much love, Beautiful Souls.

Namaste