The Depths of Uncertainty (or Seeing the Upside of Shitty Situations)

Right now, we are going through a major shift in the Universe, and many of us might be feeling slightly discombobulated. I know I have.

Maybe you've seen the end of a relationship, a shake up of a job, changes in your life you weren't expecting, or perhaps you've felt that things have been stuck or stagnant for too long and, well, when is it all going to get better?

As you know, I'm a huge fan of the belief that the energy we give out is what we get back and that we create our own lives; however, I do think that we can be affected by energies around us if we aren't aware of what to do and how to settle ourselves.

But, I digress, because this post is about how to get a handle on your own feelings and emotions when faced with those people who wish to sink your cork. You may have encountered that feeling of a 'fragmented soul' when you have a fight with your spouse/significant other that seems to strip you of your energy. You feel as if they have put another dent in your beautiful heart.

As crappy as these moments are, these moments are the best times to figure out what you truly want. You can either take this moment and turn it over in your brain a thousand times, over-analyze about how much it hurt you, or, you can decide that the other person, as idiotic as you think they are in that moment, is most likely just as afraid as you are.

Change is frightening, and to think that your relationship might be on the brink of destruction will make you grab hold of anything to achieve some sort of balance. Your significant other isn't feeling anything different from you. Just like you, they fear losing control of the situation or that things will change too fast for their liking. Maybe they don't like how the relationship is going and where it's headed, and they don't know how to stop this collision course that it's on.

Just like you, they want change, but they may be fearful to make the change. Or maybe they don't know how to make the change. There's always a lot of work involved when trying to make a difference in your life, which could mean changing belief systems, or changing marital statuses. There is no denying it--these relationship shake-ups are huge.

First, you can't control how other people act. You can only control how you feel and how you act. The other person will always do what they are aligned with, no matter how much you try to control the situation.

When faced with shitty situations such as these, you must redirect your focus. No, it's not putting your head in the sand. It's called thinking outside that box that is already full of stress and sadness.
It's time to get a better view of things, because you can't solve a problem with the same thinking that created it.

So, what is it you want for yourself? Happiness? Stability? Better living situation? Love?
Saying things like, "I want her/him to change" is not the answer because a) You will be sadly disappointed when you realize that you can't make anyone change, and b) You have to accept responsibility for your own actions. Every relationship has two sides to the story.

To make deep changes, you have to start with yourself. You have to look at your role in all of this. What have you been attracting? What have you been thinking and feeling? Have you been loving yourself? Have you been kind to yourself? To others?

You have to understand that the love and respect you seek is within yourself.

So, how do you affect change so these shitty things are few and far between? How do you get on the same page with your spouse? Well, first off, you may or may not get on the same page as your spouse because this is all about vibrational alignment. So, to get change, you have to take a good look at yourself and how you treat you. How do you feel about you? How do you feel about the world? What energy are you sending out there?

We are creatures of habit. We may not even be aware of the vibration that we are sending out because it's become a part of us. But, unknown to you, that vibration could be holding you back. When you've become so accustomed to disagreements with your spouse, you have now made it a dominant vibration--a habit. And, it'll keep happening till you change your vibration about it.

Your spouse has to make the effort too....and they have to want to make an effort. Once you start changing your vibration, they will either match up to your new vibe or they will no longer be a part of your life...it's up to them.

When these shitty things happen, they are a wake up call to you. Notice them. Embrace them. Yes, they happened and they were really freaking shitty. You don't like being in that ugly place, and every time it happens, you feel you lose another part of yourself.

But, here's the thing, you can decide in that moment, right then and there, that you don't want to feel this way anymore.

How?

You become aware of what you are thinking and feeling. You become so attuned to your body and emotions, start adjusting those thoughts and feelings, that change starts to happen.

It will take effort, it will take some creative thinking, and it will take time.
But, dear beautiful friends, your happiness is worth the effort.

Namaste.

The False Self

You may have heard the saying that we can't define ourselves by our past because we aren't that person anymore.

Unfortunately, we love to be labelled by past situations and events as if they are the things that give us our identity. We hold onto them so tightly, believing that we will become nothing if we lose this part of ourselves. This is our false self. This is the ego that puts on a mask and prances around pretending to be us, only for us to discover much later that the ego could never be who we truly are.

Cynthia Bourgeault said, “Beginning in infancy (or even before) each of us, in response to perceived threats to our well-being, develops a false self: a set of protective behaviours driven at root by a sense of need and lack. The essence of the false self is driven, addictive energy, consisting of tremendous emotional investment in compensatory "emotional programs for happiness," as Keating calls them."

The ego loves to hold onto outworn beliefs because it feels the need to be validated. There is a fear of letting go of our past because we do not want to lose ourselves in the process lest we disappear into oblivion. We have become so comfortably acquainted to that part of ourselves that, even though it no longer works for us, we accept it as who we are, arguing that 'you can't teach an old dog new tricks.'

When we start to experience ourselves by what we want to be, how we want to act, who we want to be, rather than by the false self created by the ego, then that is when things begin to shift.

If we continue to define our lives by our situations, life events, and illnesses, then we will continue to have the same experiences, and change will not come.

Dr. Joe Dispenza says the ego is useful for things like determining fight or flight, and for measuring safety or danger. When the ego starts holding you back, making you feel rotten about yourself, then you have a serious problem on your hands.

Marianne Williamson said, "We are either walking toward love or we are walking toward fear." Which one are you walking toward? Are you fearful all of the time? Then you are letting ego have its way with you. Don't let the ego hold you hostage. Love is the only thing that is real.

Dear beautiful souls, reach for something better because you ARE already something better.

Namaste.

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