Your Old Thoughts and Emotions are Like Wearing a 1970's Suit

Happy Self Love Sunday!

Your old thoughts and emotions are like wearing a 1970's polyester suit: It's uncomfortable, it's itchy and it's not breathable. 

But, to venture out to get a new suit (new thoughts and emotions) takes effort, and it means stepping into the unknown.

Why not step into the unknown and see where the new suit takes you?

This is your Soul Love Minute.

PS: Soul Love Warrior workbook and website coming soon! Can't wait to share it with you! 

There are No Life Lessons

By calling the negative experiences in our lives 'life lessons', it helps us to explain why something bad would be happening to us. While these 'negative' experiences can help us to learn something about ourselves, about life, and how to handle situations, they aren't handed to us by an unseen force as a so-called lesson. 

If the negative situation continues to happen, we keep thinking that 'oh, I haven't learned anything yet. The Universe is still teaching me a lesson.' That's not it at all. We are given the free will to choose our experiences, and it is all dependent on the energy we are resonating in our thoughts and emotions.

If you continue to relive the same experience and wonder why, it's because you are still not addressing that garbage emotion that still brings the same situation into your life. You are essentially not being deliberate, and are falling into the trap of the old way of being. Even though you are 'thinking' that you want a 'new way of being', if your emotions aren't matching that, then you aren't changing anything.

If there is a lesson to be learned in experiencing repetitive situations, it is this: Be more discerning about how you are feeling and thinking.

PS: Go beyond yourself! Soul Love Warrior workbook and website coming soon! 

This is Self-love

To attract a relationship that is loving, trustworthy, respectful, and supportive, make sure to develop these things within yourself first.
Love yourself. 
Trust yourself. 
Be supportive of who you are. 
This is selflove. 

Watch for the upcoming Self-love workbook that will help you to delve deep in the heart centre, finding the love within yourself. 


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The Depths of Uncertainty (or Seeing the Upside of Shitty Situations)

Right now, we are going through a major shift in the Universe, and many of us might be feeling slightly discombobulated. I know I have.

Maybe you've seen the end of a relationship, a shake up of a job, changes in your life you weren't expecting, or perhaps you've felt that things have been stuck or stagnant for too long and, well, when is it all going to get better?

As you know, I'm a huge fan of the belief that the energy we give out is what we get back and that we create our own lives; however, I do think that we can be affected by energies around us if we aren't aware of what to do and how to settle ourselves.

But, I digress, because this post is about how to get a handle on your own feelings and emotions when faced with those people who wish to sink your cork. You may have encountered that feeling of a 'fragmented soul' when you have a fight with your spouse/significant other that seems to strip you of your energy. You feel as if they have put another dent in your beautiful heart.

As crappy as these moments are, these moments are the best times to figure out what you truly want. You can either take this moment and turn it over in your brain a thousand times, over-analyze about how much it hurt you, or, you can decide that the other person, as idiotic as you think they are in that moment, is most likely just as afraid as you are.

Change is frightening, and to think that your relationship might be on the brink of destruction will make you grab hold of anything to achieve some sort of balance. Your significant other isn't feeling anything different from you. Just like you, they fear losing control of the situation or that things will change too fast for their liking. Maybe they don't like how the relationship is going and where it's headed, and they don't know how to stop this collision course that it's on.

Just like you, they want change, but they may be fearful to make the change. Or maybe they don't know how to make the change. There's always a lot of work involved when trying to make a difference in your life, which could mean changing belief systems, or changing marital statuses. There is no denying it--these relationship shake-ups are huge.

First, you can't control how other people act. You can only control how you feel and how you act. The other person will always do what they are aligned with, no matter how much you try to control the situation.

When faced with shitty situations such as these, you must redirect your focus. No, it's not putting your head in the sand. It's called thinking outside that box that is already full of stress and sadness.
It's time to get a better view of things, because you can't solve a problem with the same thinking that created it.

So, what is it you want for yourself? Happiness? Stability? Better living situation? Love?
Saying things like, "I want her/him to change" is not the answer because a) You will be sadly disappointed when you realize that you can't make anyone change, and b) You have to accept responsibility for your own actions. Every relationship has two sides to the story.

To make deep changes, you have to start with yourself. You have to look at your role in all of this. What have you been attracting? What have you been thinking and feeling? Have you been loving yourself? Have you been kind to yourself? To others?

You have to understand that the love and respect you seek is within yourself.

So, how do you affect change so these shitty things are few and far between? How do you get on the same page with your spouse? Well, first off, you may or may not get on the same page as your spouse because this is all about vibrational alignment. So, to get change, you have to take a good look at yourself and how you treat you. How do you feel about you? How do you feel about the world? What energy are you sending out there?

We are creatures of habit. We may not even be aware of the vibration that we are sending out because it's become a part of us. But, unknown to you, that vibration could be holding you back. When you've become so accustomed to disagreements with your spouse, you have now made it a dominant vibration--a habit. And, it'll keep happening till you change your vibration about it.

Your spouse has to make the effort too....and they have to want to make an effort. Once you start changing your vibration, they will either match up to your new vibe or they will no longer be a part of your life...it's up to them.

When these shitty things happen, they are a wake up call to you. Notice them. Embrace them. Yes, they happened and they were really freaking shitty. You don't like being in that ugly place, and every time it happens, you feel you lose another part of yourself.

But, here's the thing, you can decide in that moment, right then and there, that you don't want to feel this way anymore.

How?

You become aware of what you are thinking and feeling. You become so attuned to your body and emotions, start adjusting those thoughts and feelings, that change starts to happen.

It will take effort, it will take some creative thinking, and it will take time.
But, dear beautiful friends, your happiness is worth the effort.

Namaste.

Tender Loving Care

There is a saying by LaShaun Middlebrooks Collier that says, "Self-care is possessing enough self-awareness to invoke repeated patterns of being, that harmoniously correct the behaviours of over-functioning for others while under-functioning for yourself.” 

We all do it. We give so much to others that we haven't anything left to give to ourselves. We put other's needs before our own, while starving ourselves of some much needed attention and care. 

This was an experience of mine last week where I had been available for everyone else but myself, which resulted in a melt-down. Feeling robbed of energy and not following through with some self-love, I became unable to function properly. There were things I had to do that seemed like a ton of effort; fortunately, I was able to push through because it had to be done. 

How many times have you given so much of yourself, in any relationship, and were not taking care of you because you felt your needs were secondary? I'm sure there are too many to count. 

We can also get stuck in the old "If I love this person a ton, they will eventually love me just as much." And then we set about the task of giving ourselves to that other person by either doing everything for them, or by loving them more than we love ourselves.

While it's true giving of ourselves is noble, there's a point where we have to remember to give to ourselves as well. It's a balancing act, but an important one. As demonstrated in my own melt-down, I wasn't giving myself the time and care I needed, and, therefore, was unable to give of myself to others.

How can you care for yourself?
First, realize that giving to yourself is important and not selfish.
Second, carve out time for yourself. If you have children, animals, or elderly parents to care for, then, yes, they need attention. That is a given. But, make sure you are finding the time for you to do what is important for your heart, your soul, and your mind. Only you know what that thing is and only you know the amount of time you can spend.
Third, make the commitment and stick to it. You are important. Your needs are important. What makes your heart sing is also important. But, one of the most important things of all is knowing who you are, and loving yourself fully.

Namaste, beautiful souls!

Your Enoughness

It's interesting what we will believe about ourselves when someone plants a seed in our brain. For instance, the feeling of not being enough for your significant other is a heartbreaking realization. Have you ever felt that nothing you say, do, or become will ever be enough for them?

We spend so much time trying to show this person how 'enough' we are, how worthy we are, hoping to satisfy them. We show them that we can do all of these things for them, and maybe, just maybe, we will be awarded with some modicum of gratitude and appreciation. But it's never enough. 

It's truly sad and disappointing. 

The fact is, it wouldn't matter how much effort you put into being 'enough', it would never be 'enough'. 

So, what do you do? 

1) First, realize that this is all ego. Eckhart Tolle says, "Whenever you feel superior or inferior to anyone, that is the ego in you." Ego will have you believe anything that it wants you to. It will have you believe that you are everything in one breath and nothing in the next. Take a step outside of this judgement and be the observer of this thought. The thought is just that--a thought, and it holds no weight.

2) Understand that the person you are trying to impress will never be satisfied because they are always looking for something outside themselves to make them happy. It is not your job to make them happy. It's theirs. 

3) Understand that the way you feel about yourself, your enoughness or not enoughness, is compounded by continuing to feel the way you do. If you felt 'enough', you would have that reflected back onto you. No one can tell you that you are enough or not. You are the only one that can deem yourself 'enough', and you need to connect with that knowing from deep inside. It's the only way. 

4) Their acknowledgement of your enoughness isn't going to make you feel like you are enough. Knowing that you are is all you need.(see #2)

5) There are loads of people in this world who will celebrate your enoughness. Find them. Those are the people you want in your life. 

6) If someone doesn't see your enoughness, then this is a person you do not want in your life. They are detrimental to you living a happy and fulfilled life.

You are more than enough.