Real Change

You might be saying, "Wait. I'm not addicted to my emotions. That's crazy." 

Here's the thing: If rehearsed over and over again, our emotions become ingrained within us and then become a part of who we are. We begin to identify ourselves with these emotions. 

When we try to change, our bodies kick and scream because it's not getting its way. Your body is actually wanting that chemical rush that it expects when you feel anxiety, sadness, frustration, anger, etc. It's used to it, and it wants it right now!

And, because you don't like this feeling, and because you don't like the unknown of the new feeling, you give into those old emotions to settle it down. The cycle then continues.
You can't get off of this merry-go-round until you deliberately choose to. No matter how much kicking and screaming is going on in your internal world, you will need to consciously steer yourself back to your focus, and tell yourself you are making changes that will make you better for it. 

It's like keeping a child focused on a task. When their attention veers to something else, you bring them right back to the task. This is retraining yourself to think and feel differently. This is where true change begins. 

PS: Want to go deeper? Soul Love Warrior workbook and website coming soon! I promise! 

www.soullovewarrior.com
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It's Groundhog Day...Again

"What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?" - Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day 

In the movie Groundhog Day, Bill Murray plays a news reporter who relives Groundhog Day over and over and over...until he experiences a shift within himself that finally moves him on to the next day, and a better life. 

Maybe you've experienced this before, a point in your life where nothing seems to be moving forward; where everyday is just like the last one. You wake up each morning and nothing has changed. 

Because this is a blog about relationships, let's focus on that topic, keeping in mind that this post can be applied to anything in your life that you feel isn't moving forward. 

Energy is always in motion. Things never stall or stop moving. But focusing on what isn't going right and what isn't happening gives the impression that things have come to a standstill. In actuality, the momentum is going the opposite direction of where we want to go. 

Things can appear as if they are a never-ending revolving door that we are stuck on, going in a circle and wondering when we can get off. We don't realize that it is up to us to make the move to step out when we see the next opening.

Making that move can be difficult because we have been wired, over a long period of time, to believe many untrue things about ourselves and about life. Things like, 'I'm not worthy or I'm not deserving. This is how life is and I might as well accept it.' 

We surmise that, seeing as this is what our parents went through, then we must have the same life as well.  

But, just like Phil Connors, the change begins within. There's no waiting around for Superman or Wonder Woman to show up to save us or make the decisions for us--we have to save ourselves.

Holding ourselves in that place of what is happening right now, and disliking it for what it is, will not get us to where we want to go. What is happening right now is a creation of what we were focusing on in our past. It's old news already, and, if we keep reading the old news, we will keep getting the old news--until we shift. We have to take this moment and change our perception about our situation, and continue to do so till it becomes dominant in our thinking and emotions.

Knowing that you deserve better, reaching your hand out for something better, and expecting amazing things to come...that is how you leave the revolving door. You keep waking up everyday and choose differently. Choose a different feeling and a different perspective. Wake up with gratitude and appreciation, and the knowledge that you have the choice in the thoughts you think and the emotions you feel.

This is what real power is.

If you are waiting for a sign, then here it is. The moment you started to desire for more in life is your indication that it's time to take a step forward. You can't wait for others to catch up to you, to make the decision for you--you have to decide that you are ready to change something and envision better. 

What can you do today to reach for something better? 

Namaste.

Owning Your Bullshit Story

I love this quote by Elizabeth Gilbert so much that I had to do a blog post on it. It resonates deeply to how we tend to get caught up in our own bullshit story... and it usually is all bullshit.

We love to tell the story of what happened to us, why we can’t do things, how we can’t get ahead, or can’t get better. Maybe you are in a relationship out of convenience, wearing the mask that everything is awesome, but really it isn't and you've created nothing but smoke and mirrors.

We say things like ‘life is a struggle’, ‘my life is crappy’, ‘my relationship sucks’, 'I don't really need to love deeply,' or 'I can stick it out in this mediocre relationship for the next 20, 30, 40 years', or something similar.

On top of all that, we usually blame someone else for our problems. If only that person could be better, do better, act better, then things would be perfect. Unfortunately, you can’t control how others act, but you can control how you react.

As hard as this is to swallow, we are in charge of every aspect of our own lives. Unfortunately, many of us feel unworthy, undeserving, or incapable of creating what we want because we don’t believe we have the power to make our lives better. 

What it comes down to is this: If your relationship sucks, then do something about it. If the other person doesn’t want to make it work, then shut that door and allow another door to open. Another door will always open...if you want it to.

You cannot go through life wishing things to be different when you already have been given the power to make things different. Don’t relinquish control to someone else because no one else is in control of your happiness but you. If you are unhappy, then decide to make yourself happy. If it means moving forward and leaving others behind, then so be it.

Some of you might say, “Easier said than done” or “Ya, but it’s difficult.”

It may be difficult but it’s not impossible. You will always have to put effort into something that is important....especially when it comes to your happiness. 

Ask yourself these questions:

Where is my focus?

Am I focused on the bullshit story I’ve been telling myself for a very long time?

Am I focused on making my life the way I want it?

Abraham Hicks says not to think about something as a future thought, that it ‘will ‘ happen, but ‘become’ what you want in this moment. What does this mean? It means if you want love, feel that love right now. Become it, because the energy you send out is what you attract back to you.

Dear beautiful friends, do not fight for your limitations, because nothing is impossible.   

Namaste.

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