Living What's Important

In relationships (even in the potential relationships), our energies are typically focused on the other person. Where's this going? How does he/she feel about me?

We begin to over-analyze everything that the other person said: every text, every emoticon. We drown ourselves in thoughts about the future and the what-ifs, and suddenly, it becomes a 24/7 guessing game of trying to validate the relationship. It's maddening! And, if the relationship doesn't work out, more craziness ensues as analysis is taken in a new direction.

I certainly have been party to this--this maddening cluster of thoughts and wonderings that don't seem to end. That is, until I was able to take a step back.
I mean, really step back and look. Remove the tunnel vision and look at the bigger picture.

For me, it was a realization that I had been focusing on the wrong things. I had made my passion and my purpose secondary over something or someone that I had been clinging to for no good reason.

But, this is what we do. We forget what is really important to us, hoping that someone will validate and love us, not realizing we are chasing a ghost of potential.

Have you done this? Are you always the one showing up dressed in your best outfit, and the other person doesn't show up at all? And, if they do, they are showing up sloppy for you?

If you have, take a step back and really look at the bigger picture. View it like a movie screen and take in everything. Every detail. Certainly, the hope in your heart wants you to see and believe in the potential. And there is nothing wrong with that. There is always possibility and the Universe is unlimited.

However, what is it that you are giving up of yourself? And what are you getting out of this situation?
Are you putting more in than you are receiving? And why did you attract this relationship? (see previous post on Why You Are Attracting the Same Types of Relationships.)

For me, I always go into 'fix it' mode, trying to help others; giving of my precious time and energy, only to put my passion and dreams on hold, till finally realizing that I was losing a piece of myself by buoying someone up. There is nothing wrong with helping out another, just don't be their crutch.

If you are going through a relationship transition or are uncertain about where a relationship is headed, take a step back. Then decide with a loving heart that you will focus on what's important to you, and then do it. Focus on it. Remember who you are. When you focus on what you love about yourself, about your passion, the right person will come along and join in with you.

I wish you much love, Beautiful Souls.

Namaste

Time for a Change

Last year, as I was mulling over this whole 'creating a relationship blog' thing, I hadn't become fixated on where the idea was going to go. All I know is that I had a story to tell, lots of experience, and the need to help others who where clearly struggling through this love/relationship maze. I felt that maybe I could help someone out there by offering a different perspective.

It’s been 5 months since this thing went live; and now I feel I know where I want this to go on a long term basis.

Soul Love Awakening is about deep love, the love that we all want to feel. Not only for others but for ourselves, because it all begins with us. To have deep, loving relationships, we must find that deep love within ourselves.

Soul Love Awakening is about guidance, growing, and about awakening to who we really are. However, words don’t teach, only experience does. We always have to do the internal work ourselves. Always.

So, this is the reason for the name change. To help others find a deeper, soulful love on their journey. 

I hope that you find solace and clarity here. Take what resonates and leave the rest.

“Just because I liked something at one point in time doesn’t mean I’ll always like it, or that I have to go on liking it at all points in time as an unthinking act of loyalty to who I am as a person, based solely on who I was as a person. To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think. The only thing I am for sure is unsure, and this means I’m growing, and not stagnant or shrinking.” - Jarod Kintz

Namaste, Beautiful Souls. 

Deep, Beautiful Love

I want to share my story with you so you can see what my thought process is about why I haven’t dated anyone in 30 months... and why you should not settle. Ever.

If you aren’t aware of part of my story, Trevor, my love and my best friend who passed away on Valentine’s Day 2012. Trevor had been everything: my lover, my cheerleader, my best friend, my confidante... we grew so much during our time together; always learning and expanding from each other and the world.

Trevor and I started out as friends, and built a strong foundation from there. Ours was a deep love based on mutual respect and care. The connection we had also ran very deep to the point where we could sense each other’s energy when apart. He sensed when I was having a bad day, or vice versa. The flow of energy was also easy. I’m not saying that our relationship didn’t come without adversity or contrast, or that it was perfect; but, when issues arose, we could work it out from a place of love.

Now, here we are, 30 months later, and I haven’t been with anyone. It’s not because I’ve been in mourning this whole time, or that I am unable to move on; nope, on the contrary. It’s about discovering who I am; loving myself; healing myself, and knowing what I want.

If I were to jump into something I only half-heartedly wanted, the result would be disappointing. Not only would it be unfair to me, but unfair to the other person.

Someone told me recently that I should get a Tinder account (or something similar), and I almost threw up in my mouth. Maybe there are some people who have found something lasting on superficial sites such as these, but it's not for this woman. I want quality, not quantity. But, this isn’t to say that you can’t find someone on these sites that might be ready for a deep and meaningful relationship. We are talking about energy here, and what you put out, comes back. So, have at it if that’s what you are interested in.

However, when you’ve experienced what I’ve experienced, a deep and beautiful love, you will not want to go back to anything less. You will not settle.  

I know if I were to ‘hook up’ with a man, or pick a man because he was warm and had a heartbeat, I’d be doing myself a disservice and would be dishonouring Trevor’s memory. He would not want me to ‘hook up’. He would want me to be with someone that would be able to give and receive deep love, to be respectful, and to be my best friend as well as my lover.

Now, here’s the take away: If you are looking for a beautiful, loving relationship, then build a strong foundation first. As much as you want to sleep with that person, try to take it slower. I have also had the fast relationship where you sleep together before really knowing each other—and that ended in divorce.

Get to know each other. Learn about each other. Be best friends.  What a beautiful thing it is when you can learn from each other without the huge weight of expectation. And, trust me, when you make that deep, beautiful connection, sex will be Off. The. Charts! 

I remember distinctly when I knew Trevor was my best friend. We had been talking and sharing so much that, one day, it was clear to me how important he was. And, not long after that, I knew that I really, really, really loved him. 

From that blossomed something beautiful, loving, passionate, and wonderful.

This is why I never settle.

I wish you much love, beautiful souls.

Namaste.

Tender Loving Care

There is a saying by LaShaun Middlebrooks Collier that says, "Self-care is possessing enough self-awareness to invoke repeated patterns of being, that harmoniously correct the behaviours of over-functioning for others while under-functioning for yourself.” 

We all do it. We give so much to others that we haven't anything left to give to ourselves. We put other's needs before our own, while starving ourselves of some much needed attention and care. 

This was an experience of mine last week where I had been available for everyone else but myself, which resulted in a melt-down. Feeling robbed of energy and not following through with some self-love, I became unable to function properly. There were things I had to do that seemed like a ton of effort; fortunately, I was able to push through because it had to be done. 

How many times have you given so much of yourself, in any relationship, and were not taking care of you because you felt your needs were secondary? I'm sure there are too many to count. 

We can also get stuck in the old "If I love this person a ton, they will eventually love me just as much." And then we set about the task of giving ourselves to that other person by either doing everything for them, or by loving them more than we love ourselves.

While it's true giving of ourselves is noble, there's a point where we have to remember to give to ourselves as well. It's a balancing act, but an important one. As demonstrated in my own melt-down, I wasn't giving myself the time and care I needed, and, therefore, was unable to give of myself to others.

How can you care for yourself?
First, realize that giving to yourself is important and not selfish.
Second, carve out time for yourself. If you have children, animals, or elderly parents to care for, then, yes, they need attention. That is a given. But, make sure you are finding the time for you to do what is important for your heart, your soul, and your mind. Only you know what that thing is and only you know the amount of time you can spend.
Third, make the commitment and stick to it. You are important. Your needs are important. What makes your heart sing is also important. But, one of the most important things of all is knowing who you are, and loving yourself fully.

Namaste, beautiful souls!

Sticking Around... When It's Time to Let Go

We’ve all been there... hey, maybe you're there right now. You know what I mean...in a relationship that isn’t working. Maybe you are waiting around for that person to decide if they want to be in a relationship with you, or maybe you are waiting for something to change. Or, perhaps, you are waiting for the other person to change, or some divine intervention to show you what to do, to make the decision for you.

When a relationship is on its way out; when it’s reached its expiration date; when it’s time to pack it in, we can feel it. We know it.

But, we usually aren't honest with ourselves enough to take the next step.

Why? Well, what if we are wrong? What if we can’t find someone else? What if things change tomorrow? What if the other person comes to the realization that they can’t live without us? And what about all that work, work, work of rebuilding our lives without that person? It's exhausting!

Rather than being true to ourselves and what our emotions are telling us, we stick around because it validates our level of lovability and desirability. Maybe we think we’ve found 'The One' because we feel a deep connection with them, even though we aren't getting the type of relationship that we want from them.

The relationship is unsatisfying, and you know you've been trying really hard to make it work. Unfortunately, it becomes more of a struggle while performing an in-depth analysis with your friends (over a bottle of wine) about what the other person has done or said. 

Now what? It hurts to leave and it hurts to stay.

In the blatantly honest words of a friend of mine: “If he isn’t all over your beautiful ass and begging for more of you, he isn’t worthy.”

The person in your life, or the person you want in your life, should want to be with you. It's that simple.

They should want to check on you to see how you are doing. There should be effort involved. If you are the one doing all the connecting, and you are unsatisfied with the progress of things (and you really want them to be all over your beautiful ass and they aren't), then it’s time to move on.

There is someone else out there that will be everything you are looking for and more. 

Namaste, beautiful souls!

Stop Struggling!

I’ve been seeing a lot of quotes lately that indicate that, if there is no resistance on your journey, then you are making it too easy. If you experience some sort of struggle in whatever you are journeying towards, (career, relationship, weight loss…etc.) then there is increased worth in it.

Here are 6 words I want you to remember throughout life: There is no value in struggle. 

 If you are experiencing resistance/struggle, it’s because you are not aligned to your desire and you have decided to paddle upstream. Life is unfolding before you in the most beautiful way possible, and you have decided to buck your own current because you don’t believe the Universe can give you something better than what you have been getting. 

Instead, we muck around thinking that pointing our boat upstream is how we get what we desire. You know that saying: Go with the flow…that’s what life is supposed to be like. You know that song, Row, Row, Row Your Boat (gently down the stream)....you get the picture. 

An acquaintance of mine said this to me recently: “We project human failings and shortcomings onto the Universe, and then expect it to faff (his word) around and let us down in the same way that humans can do. Change it all with the belief I TRUST GOD/UNIVERSE TO SORT IT ALL OUT.” 

Certainly, there will be contrast on our journey, but this helps us to expand even more. The point is not to wallow in the contrast because that’s when you continue to get more of the unwanted. Realize and know that you want something better than what you are getting and turn toward that. Realize and know that you deserve something better than what you are getting and turn toward that! Become vibrationally aligned with what you want, keeping in mind it may not come in the physical form that you envision; it will be even better! 

It doesn’t mean that what you are doing won’t have effort involved. Of course it will! Just make it 'enjoyable effort'. Get aligned with it and make it fun. If it’s causing you pain or sadness, you’re not aligned with your desire. 

Dan Millman said: “Pain is a relatively objective, physical phenomenon; suffering is our psychological resistance to what happens. Events may create physical pain, but they do not in themselves create suffering. Resistance creates suffering. Stress happens when your mind resists what is... The only problem in your life is your mind's resistance to life as it unfolds.”

I couldn’t agree more! 

Namaste!

De-Cluttering Your Life

A few weeks ago, I visited a very intuitive friend that was able to help me with some issues that had been bugging me for a while now. During this time, she received messages from her guides that I was to take a break from writing for 8 weeks. What?! Eight weeks of no writing?

"I have clients," I protested. I can't NOT write. 

However, she assured me that the writing I was doing for my clients was different from my own writing projects, and this was what I needed a break from.

The reasoning was due to the coming changes for me. My energy is changing, which will show in the way I write, create, and how I express ideas. There will be a deepening of more love and respect for myself and for others, which will also be obvious in my creative projects.

If I continue to write without the break, it will be with the same old energy, and it will feel stuck. 

That being said, I have been stuck on a writing project for years. Even though I can see the end result, the flow isn't there. I can see where I want it to go, but the progress doesn't come. 

Even with this blog, I know what I want to say, but the articulation leaves me stranded. 

That being said, I do have a healthy amount of skepticism, but I also have an open mind to consider the things she suggested. 

The point I want to make, dear readers, is: Is there something that you need to de-clutter in your life? In your mind? In your heart? Is there something that you need to take a step back from to get some clarity? Unsettled relationships can produce a lot of cluttered thinking, and we continue to hammer the square peg into the round hole, trying to make it work; trying to make it fit. Take a step back. Meditate. Be more present. Busy yourself by getting rid of material items that no longer serve you. Spring clean your house, your mind, your heart, and your life. 

Rumi said:                              

  “Although the road is never ending

                                              take a step and keep walking,

     do not look fearfully into the distance.

      On this path let the heart be your guide

         for the body is hesitant and full of fear.”

Don't view this as the end, because there is no end. View this as a shedding of the old, revealing a new story.  

Namaste.