That's Not a Good Enough Offer for Me

I'm not sure if you've seen Bridget Jones' Diary, but near the end of the movie when Daniel Cleaver is lying in the street, after Mark Darcy hands him his ass, he says to Bridget Jones,  

"Come on Bridget, we belong together - you, me, poor little skirt. If I can't make it with you, then I can't make it with anyone."

After a few seconds of pondering, and realizing that Daniel will never give her what she needs, she says, "That's not a good enough offer for me."

This is probably one of the most revelatory moments in the entire movie, not only for Bridget, but for others who have been in Bridget's shoes.

We go through life stuck in waiting mode. We wait for our love interest to realize that they truly love us and can't live without us. We wait for that person to see our perfection and our worthiness, hoping that they will realize we are the best thing ever to come into their lives. We stay stuck waiting and hoping that this other person, the one who pushes us away as fast as they pull us into their lives, will realize how much they need us, validating who we are, not realizing that they are, most likely, very much a 'Daniel Cleaver'.

If you are experiencing uncertainty in your love life with regards to another person, ask yourself the following: 

• Why am I allowing this? 
• Why am I hanging around when I'm not getting what I need or want? 

Saying you are sticking around because you 'really love someone and it's really good when we are together' is great, but what about the in between parts? Let me explain: Loving someone is truly amazing. Being 'good' together when you are 'actually together' is also lovely. But, what is going on during those times of uncertainty? Relationships are partnerships where there is no question where you stand with the other person. If you are always playing scenarios in your mind about why he/she hasn't called/texted yet, or racking your brain about what you said or did that pushed that person away, then you aren't getting what you want and need from this relationship. 

Ask yourself, dear friends, "Is this a good enough offer for me?"

Bridget Jones came to the point where she wasn't willing to settle with someone who was unsure about her. She wanted the certainty. She wanted someone to love and respect her as much as she could give love and respect back. She wanted more. 

You deserve more. 

The Depths of Uncertainty (or Seeing the Upside of Shitty Situations)

Right now, we are going through a major shift in the Universe, and many of us might be feeling slightly discombobulated. I know I have.

Maybe you've seen the end of a relationship, a shake up of a job, changes in your life you weren't expecting, or perhaps you've felt that things have been stuck or stagnant for too long and, well, when is it all going to get better?

As you know, I'm a huge fan of the belief that the energy we give out is what we get back and that we create our own lives; however, I do think that we can be affected by energies around us if we aren't aware of what to do and how to settle ourselves.

But, I digress, because this post is about how to get a handle on your own feelings and emotions when faced with those people who wish to sink your cork. You may have encountered that feeling of a 'fragmented soul' when you have a fight with your spouse/significant other that seems to strip you of your energy. You feel as if they have put another dent in your beautiful heart.

As crappy as these moments are, these moments are the best times to figure out what you truly want. You can either take this moment and turn it over in your brain a thousand times, over-analyze about how much it hurt you, or, you can decide that the other person, as idiotic as you think they are in that moment, is most likely just as afraid as you are.

Change is frightening, and to think that your relationship might be on the brink of destruction will make you grab hold of anything to achieve some sort of balance. Your significant other isn't feeling anything different from you. Just like you, they fear losing control of the situation or that things will change too fast for their liking. Maybe they don't like how the relationship is going and where it's headed, and they don't know how to stop this collision course that it's on.

Just like you, they want change, but they may be fearful to make the change. Or maybe they don't know how to make the change. There's always a lot of work involved when trying to make a difference in your life, which could mean changing belief systems, or changing marital statuses. There is no denying it--these relationship shake-ups are huge.

First, you can't control how other people act. You can only control how you feel and how you act. The other person will always do what they are aligned with, no matter how much you try to control the situation.

When faced with shitty situations such as these, you must redirect your focus. No, it's not putting your head in the sand. It's called thinking outside that box that is already full of stress and sadness.
It's time to get a better view of things, because you can't solve a problem with the same thinking that created it.

So, what is it you want for yourself? Happiness? Stability? Better living situation? Love?
Saying things like, "I want her/him to change" is not the answer because a) You will be sadly disappointed when you realize that you can't make anyone change, and b) You have to accept responsibility for your own actions. Every relationship has two sides to the story.

To make deep changes, you have to start with yourself. You have to look at your role in all of this. What have you been attracting? What have you been thinking and feeling? Have you been loving yourself? Have you been kind to yourself? To others?

You have to understand that the love and respect you seek is within yourself.

So, how do you affect change so these shitty things are few and far between? How do you get on the same page with your spouse? Well, first off, you may or may not get on the same page as your spouse because this is all about vibrational alignment. So, to get change, you have to take a good look at yourself and how you treat you. How do you feel about you? How do you feel about the world? What energy are you sending out there?

We are creatures of habit. We may not even be aware of the vibration that we are sending out because it's become a part of us. But, unknown to you, that vibration could be holding you back. When you've become so accustomed to disagreements with your spouse, you have now made it a dominant vibration--a habit. And, it'll keep happening till you change your vibration about it.

Your spouse has to make the effort too....and they have to want to make an effort. Once you start changing your vibration, they will either match up to your new vibe or they will no longer be a part of your life...it's up to them.

When these shitty things happen, they are a wake up call to you. Notice them. Embrace them. Yes, they happened and they were really freaking shitty. You don't like being in that ugly place, and every time it happens, you feel you lose another part of yourself.

But, here's the thing, you can decide in that moment, right then and there, that you don't want to feel this way anymore.

How?

You become aware of what you are thinking and feeling. You become so attuned to your body and emotions, start adjusting those thoughts and feelings, that change starts to happen.

It will take effort, it will take some creative thinking, and it will take time.
But, dear beautiful friends, your happiness is worth the effort.

Namaste.

Letting the Past Go

Things that we did or didn't do, how we acted or reacted, or who we have hurt--we all tend to get stuck in this place of 'what-ifs' or 'shouldn't haves', wondering what could have been different. We hold onto past situations and behaviours with the belief that this is who we are, and if only we could change it.

Eckhart Tolle says that we should deeply realize that the present moment is all we have and that our primary focus in life is NOW. Not what happened yesterday or 10 years ago, and not what might happen tomorrow or 10 years from now...right now, this moment is all we have. 

Any past situations that you experienced, whether good or bad, happened because you were a energetic match to them. What happened in that moment occurred because you were ready to expand for more, and any contrasting experience was put in front of you so you could choose something different....something lovelier, nicer, kinder.

It can be difficult to understand that any perceived negative experience might actually work to our advantage. We view negative situations as something undesirable, and they certainly are in that moment. But, it's these experiences that wake us up, that make us choose differently in each moment. It's these experiences that make us pay attention to what we are doing and how we are feeling. 

Anything that you have been holding onto from the past that might be keeping you stuck, it's time to let it go. It has served it's purpose: it has shaken you awake. That old stuff can't be changed, no matter how hard you try. 

So, dear Beautiful Friends, take those things from the past and stand on top of them. Then, reach out your hand and grasp something better.

Namaste.  

Owning Your Bullshit Story

I love this quote by Elizabeth Gilbert so much that I had to do a blog post on it. It resonates deeply to how we tend to get caught up in our own bullshit story... and it usually is all bullshit.

We love to tell the story of what happened to us, why we can’t do things, how we can’t get ahead, or can’t get better. Maybe you are in a relationship out of convenience, wearing the mask that everything is awesome, but really it isn't and you've created nothing but smoke and mirrors.

We say things like ‘life is a struggle’, ‘my life is crappy’, ‘my relationship sucks’, 'I don't really need to love deeply,' or 'I can stick it out in this mediocre relationship for the next 20, 30, 40 years', or something similar.

On top of all that, we usually blame someone else for our problems. If only that person could be better, do better, act better, then things would be perfect. Unfortunately, you can’t control how others act, but you can control how you react.

As hard as this is to swallow, we are in charge of every aspect of our own lives. Unfortunately, many of us feel unworthy, undeserving, or incapable of creating what we want because we don’t believe we have the power to make our lives better. 

What it comes down to is this: If your relationship sucks, then do something about it. If the other person doesn’t want to make it work, then shut that door and allow another door to open. Another door will always open...if you want it to.

You cannot go through life wishing things to be different when you already have been given the power to make things different. Don’t relinquish control to someone else because no one else is in control of your happiness but you. If you are unhappy, then decide to make yourself happy. If it means moving forward and leaving others behind, then so be it.

Some of you might say, “Easier said than done” or “Ya, but it’s difficult.”

It may be difficult but it’s not impossible. You will always have to put effort into something that is important....especially when it comes to your happiness. 

Ask yourself these questions:

Where is my focus?

Am I focused on the bullshit story I’ve been telling myself for a very long time?

Am I focused on making my life the way I want it?

Abraham Hicks says not to think about something as a future thought, that it ‘will ‘ happen, but ‘become’ what you want in this moment. What does this mean? It means if you want love, feel that love right now. Become it, because the energy you send out is what you attract back to you.

Dear beautiful friends, do not fight for your limitations, because nothing is impossible.   

Namaste.

PS. Soul Love Awakening supports worldwide charities. Find out how: www.prairiegirlpress.spreadshirt.ca 

New Year's Re-Solution: Turning Lead into Gold

As I mentioned in the last post, Standing at the Threshold, we've reached that time of year again where we reflect on the past and look forward to making the next year better. Many of us write out our resolutions or intentions with high hopes that these changes will stick; that we will be a different person with a different life by 2016. We crave change, and want to see some sort of progress in our lives. We want to become unstuck. 

I heard the best explanation of the word 'resolution' today. Instead of seeing the word as 'resolution', see it as a 're-solution', a re-do of the 'solution' that you concocted from the previous year. Just like an alchemist turns lead into gold, you are essentially mixing different ingredients to create a better solution than the one from the previous year.

But, how does one create change, especially since you wanted to make changes last year and nothing happened. When the alchemist turns lead into gold, there has to be the right combination of ingredients and actions to make the gold a reality. Obviously, if the alchemist has failed to create gold in previous attempts, he/she must adjust the ingredients and the process. 

To create what we want in our own lives, we must change or adapt and become what we want to bring into our lives. This requires diligence and focus on our part. It requires adapting our thought processes. It also means being aware of our emotions and not falling back into our old way of thinking and being. It takes work, effort, and dedication.  It won't change over night. It's a process. 

Jeanette Winterso said, “It is not possible to control the outside of yourself until you have mastered your breathing space. It is not possible to change anything until you understand the substance you wish to change.” 

Understand yourself--this is what self-mastery is. It is knowing who you are and that you are the creator of your own life. The current circumstances that are occurring for you right now are manifestations from old vibrations. If you were to consciously choose your thoughts and emotions everyday for 30 days, you would see movement in your life that will surprise you. 

Dear beautiful souls, it is time to mix a new solution. Even if you aren't sure if you are adding the right components, just get started and adjust along the way. You don't need to know it all right now, just begin. 

Happy New Year!

Namaste.

Standing at the Threshold

As the holiday season approaches, most of us become more reflective about our lives, taking the time to slow down and determine what we truly want.

The other night while watching Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, I realized something with regards to what the ghost Jacob Marley said to Ebeneezer Scrooge: "I wear the chain I forged in life. I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it.”

Now, I don't believe we carry these things into the afterlife only because we return to pure positive energy when we do croak; however, I believe we carry these chains right now, and we add to the link the more we carry anger, resentment, regret, fear, and unhappiness. And it's always our choice to carry it or not. 
The good news is we are not alone. Most of us carry these chains because we have lost touch with who we truly are. We choose to bind ourselves with negativity, making it a form of protection, and not realizing that this is what is strangling us. The sad thing is, we are doing it to ourselves.  
Eckhart Tolle would say that these chains are ego-based. We hold onto these negative emotions for numerous reasons, including to feel in control, or feel we need to struggle or suffer to get to the good stuff. Maybe we feel holding onto these things will make us more aware. It won't hurt as much if we are already prepared, right? 

How can we let go when someone has hurt us, especially since we are angry with ourselves for allowing it? We can't move on because we are so busy looking back at what happened. We become paralyzed in our own negative emotion. 

Firstly, it's time to be honest with yourself: Are these negative emotions serving you? Maybe in the beginning you felt that they offered something to you for a short period of time. But, right now, in this moment, do you feel they serve you? No. They aren't. They are binding you, just like they did to Jacob Marley. You can't control other's actions, you can only control your own actions and reactions. 

When you come to this realization, that's when you start to feel the chains dropping away. 

The second thing to do is, when you feel like you are ready to react to a situation, which is all ego, send love to that person. Immaculee Ilibagiza, author of Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust, said that when she came face to face with Hutu tribe members who were killing all Tutsi tribe members, she envisioned sending love to them, and discovered that they backed down, letting her pass to safety. If Immaculee can send love to people who had killed the majority of her family and friends, you can send love to someone you feel has wronged you. 

Dear friends, we are standing at the threshold of a new year. It's time to let go of the chains that bind you. 

Namaste.

Effort and Struggle

So many of us think that struggling is key to a happy life. You slug away at your job, your relationship, and your financial situation in hopes that, at some point, things will turn around. Maybe you believe that karma will balance things out because you've earned it. Right?

Seeing as this is a relationship blog, let's use relationships as an example: You've worked at your relationship for years. You've put in the time, the hard work, the struggle. Now, where's your reward? Isn't that how it goes? We are taught that if we struggle, it will justify our existence.

Here's the thing, there is no reward for struggling. Nope. Never. 
However, there is a reward for alignment and deliberately creating your life, and that does take work...but the good kind.

This leads us to knowing the difference between effort and struggle. Struggle means keeping your head above water so you won't drown. It means forcing. It means working so hard that you have nothing left to give at the end of the day. There is no gentleness in struggle. There is no flow in struggle. So, if you are struggling in a relationship, ask yourself why?

Effort, on the other hand, is a completely different thing. Effort is gentle. It is focused and determined. It is seeing the outcome and heading in that direction. Effort is required in everything we do: Getting dressed in the morning, driving to work, making a meal, writing a blog. Effort is also required in relationships. More importantly, balanced effort is a must. Balanced effort means that the goal of both people involved is to make the relationship amazing. It's not about making the other person happy, and vice-versa, because we cannot rely on others for our own happiness. 

It's about making the effort and taking the time to adjust your own vibration to what you want. It's never about arguing who is right. It's never about trying to get that person to respect you. Respect yourself. Love yourself. Truly, completely, and without reservation. Your partner will either adjust their own vibration to meet up with your new vibration, or they will simply fade away and someone else will come into your life that is a better match for you. 

The Universe doesn't make mistakes, and it will always comply with your vibration, regardless if you are deliberately creating it or creating by default. 

So, beautiful souls, get into the vibe of ease and flow; it will take effort, but the good kind. When you do, you will wonder why you didn't do it in the first place. 

Namaste!