Monday, 28 July 2014

Living What's Important

In relationships (even in the potential relationships), our energies are typically focused on the other person. Where's this going? How does he/she feel about me?

We begin to over-analyze everything that the other person said: every text, every emoticon. We drown ourselves in thoughts about the future and the what-ifs, and suddenly, it becomes a 24/7 guessing game of trying to validate the relationship. It's maddening! And, if the relationship doesn't work out, more craziness ensues as analysis is taken in a new direction.

I certainly have been party to this--this maddening cluster of thoughts and wonderings that don't seem to end. That is, until I was able to take a step back.
I mean, really step back and look. Remove the tunnel vision and look at the bigger picture.

For me, it was a realization that I had been focusing on the wrong things. I had made my passion and my purpose secondary over something or someone that I had been clinging to for no good reason.

But, this is what we do. We forget what is really important to us, hoping that someone will validate and love us, not realizing we are chasing a ghost of potential.

Have you done this? Are you always the one showing up dressed in your best outfit, and the other person doesn't show up at all? And, if they do, they are showing up sloppy for you?

If you have, take a step back and really look at the bigger picture. View it like a movie screen and take in everything. Every detail. Certainly, the hope in your heart wants you to see and believe in the potential. And there is nothing wrong with that. There is always possibility and the Universe is unlimited.

However, what is it that you are giving up of yourself? And what are you getting out of this situation?
Are you putting more in than you are receiving? And why did you attract this relationship? (see previous post on Why You Are Attracting the Same Types of Relationships.)

For me, I always go into 'fix it' mode, trying to help others; giving of my precious time and energy, only to put my passion and dreams on hold, till finally realizing that I was losing a piece of myself by buoying someone up. There is nothing wrong with helping out another, just don't be their crutch.

If you are going through a relationship transition or are uncertain about where a relationship is headed, take a step back. Then decide with a loving heart that you will focus on what's important to you, and then do it. Focus on it. Remember who you are. When you focus on what you love about yourself, about your passion, the right person will come along and join in with you.

I wish you much love, Beautiful Souls.


Saturday, 26 July 2014

Time for a Change

Last year, as I was mulling over this whole 'creating a relationship blog' thing, I hadn't become fixated on where the idea was going to go. All I know is that I had a story to tell, lots of experience, and the need to help others who where clearly struggling through this love/relationship maze. I felt that maybe I could help someone out there by offering a different perspective.

It’s been 5 months since this thing went live; and now I feel I know where I want this to go on a long term basis.

Soul Love Awakening is about deep love, the love that we all want to feel. Not only for others but for ourselves, because it all begins with us. To have deep, loving relationships, we must find that deep love within ourselves.

Soul Love Awakening is about guidance, growing, and about awakening to who we really are. However, words don’t teach, only experience does. We always have to do the internal work ourselves. Always.

So, this is the reason for the name change. To help others find a deeper, soulful love on their journey. 

I hope that you find solace and clarity here. Take what resonates and leave the rest.

“Just because I liked something at one point in time doesn’t mean I’ll always like it, or that I have to go on liking it at all points in time as an unthinking act of loyalty to who I am as a person, based solely on who I was as a person. To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think. The only thing I am for sure is unsure, and this means I’m growing, and not stagnant or shrinking.” - Jarod Kintz

Namaste, Beautiful Souls. 

Thursday, 3 July 2014

Deep, Beautiful Love

I want to share my story with you so you can see what my thought process is about why I haven’t dated anyone in 30 months... and why you should not settle. Ever.

If you aren’t aware of part of my story, Trevor, my love and my best friend who passed away on Valentine’s Day 2012. Trevor had been everything: my lover, my cheerleader, my best friend, my confidante... we grew so much during our time together; always learning and expanding from each other and the world.

Trevor and I started out as friends, and built a strong foundation from there. Ours was a deep love based on mutual respect and care. The connection we had also ran very deep to the point where we could sense each other’s energy when apart. He sensed when I was having a bad day, or vice versa. The flow of energy was also easy. I’m not saying that our relationship didn’t come without adversity or contrast, or that it was perfect; but, when issues arose, we could work it out from a place of love.

Now, here we are, 30 months later, and I haven’t been with anyone. It’s not because I’ve been in mourning this whole time, or that I am unable to move on; nope, on the contrary. It’s about discovering who I am; loving myself; healing myself, and knowing what I want.

If I were to jump into something I only half-heartedly wanted, the result would be disappointing. Not only would it be unfair to me, but unfair to the other person.

Someone told me recently that I should get a Tinder account (or something similar), and I almost threw up in my mouth. Maybe there are some people who have found something lasting on superficial sites such as these, but it's not for this woman. I want quality, not quantity. But, this isn’t to say that you can’t find someone on these sites that might be ready for a deep and meaningful relationship. We are talking about energy here, and what you put out, comes back. So, have at it if that’s what you are interested in.

However, when you’ve experienced what I’ve experienced, a deep and beautiful love, you will not want to go back to anything less. You will not settle.  

I know if I were to ‘hook up’ with a man, or pick a man because he was warm and had a heartbeat, I’d be doing myself a disservice and would be dishonouring Trevor’s memory. He would not want me to ‘hook up’. He would want me to be with someone that would be able to give and receive deep love, to be respectful, and to be my best friend as well as my lover.

Now, here’s the take away: If you are looking for a beautiful, loving relationship, then build a strong foundation first. As much as you want to sleep with that person, try to take it slower. I have also had the fast relationship where you sleep together before really knowing each other—and that ended in divorce.

Get to know each other. Learn about each other. Be best friends.  What a beautiful thing it is when you can learn from each other without the huge weight of expectation. And, trust me, when you make that deep, beautiful connection, sex will be Off. The. Charts! 

I remember distinctly when I knew Trevor was my best friend. We had been talking and sharing so much that, one day, it was clear to me how important he was. And, not long after that, I knew that I really, really, really loved him. 

From that blossomed something beautiful, loving, passionate, and wonderful.

This is why I never settle.

I wish you much love, beautiful souls.