Deep, Beautiful Love

I want to share my story with you so you can see what my thought process is about why I haven’t dated anyone in 30 months... and why you should not settle. Ever.

If you aren’t aware of part of my story, Trevor, my love and my best friend who passed away on Valentine’s Day 2012. Trevor had been everything: my lover, my cheerleader, my best friend, my confidante... we grew so much during our time together; always learning and expanding from each other and the world.

Trevor and I started out as friends, and built a strong foundation from there. Ours was a deep love based on mutual respect and care. The connection we had also ran very deep to the point where we could sense each other’s energy when apart. He sensed when I was having a bad day, or vice versa. The flow of energy was also easy. I’m not saying that our relationship didn’t come without adversity or contrast, or that it was perfect; but, when issues arose, we could work it out from a place of love.

Now, here we are, 30 months later, and I haven’t been with anyone. It’s not because I’ve been in mourning this whole time, or that I am unable to move on; nope, on the contrary. It’s about discovering who I am; loving myself; healing myself, and knowing what I want.

If I were to jump into something I only half-heartedly wanted, the result would be disappointing. Not only would it be unfair to me, but unfair to the other person.

Someone told me recently that I should get a Tinder account (or something similar), and I almost threw up in my mouth. Maybe there are some people who have found something lasting on superficial sites such as these, but it's not for this woman. I want quality, not quantity. But, this isn’t to say that you can’t find someone on these sites that might be ready for a deep and meaningful relationship. We are talking about energy here, and what you put out, comes back. So, have at it if that’s what you are interested in.

However, when you’ve experienced what I’ve experienced, a deep and beautiful love, you will not want to go back to anything less. You will not settle.  

I know if I were to ‘hook up’ with a man, or pick a man because he was warm and had a heartbeat, I’d be doing myself a disservice and would be dishonouring Trevor’s memory. He would not want me to ‘hook up’. He would want me to be with someone that would be able to give and receive deep love, to be respectful, and to be my best friend as well as my lover.

Now, here’s the take away: If you are looking for a beautiful, loving relationship, then build a strong foundation first. As much as you want to sleep with that person, try to take it slower. I have also had the fast relationship where you sleep together before really knowing each other—and that ended in divorce.

Get to know each other. Learn about each other. Be best friends.  What a beautiful thing it is when you can learn from each other without the huge weight of expectation. And, trust me, when you make that deep, beautiful connection, sex will be Off. The. Charts! 

I remember distinctly when I knew Trevor was my best friend. We had been talking and sharing so much that, one day, it was clear to me how important he was. And, not long after that, I knew that I really, really, really loved him. 

From that blossomed something beautiful, loving, passionate, and wonderful.

This is why I never settle.

I wish you much love, beautiful souls.

Namaste.