Pain, Heartbreak, and Moving Forward

I have experienced pain and heartbreak more times than I care to count. Someone I loved deeply died on Valentine's Day, and, let me tell you, that really, really sucks. Every Valentine's Day, I get to celebrate with this memory--always and forever. I could continue being sad on this day while others around me fall in love...or, I could move forward, creating something new in my life. 

I have chosen to move forward.

Even though traumatic things are really crappy to experience, I still believe in love. I still want to share myself fully with another. Even though my traumatic experience caused great pain and sadness to the point I thought my heart was ripped from my chest, it was also a great gift: It showed me how to fully love and be loved.  It showed me that trying for something can lead to amazing things. 

When I meet someone who has experienced hurt and loss but refuses to move on, I wonder why wouldn't you move forward? What is the benefit to hanging on to the past? While it's true that you are taking another chance at getting hurt, that it might not work out, that you  might experience something traumatic, the questions is, will you be okay without ever knowing if it could be wonderful because you didn't try?  

When things are going well in a relationship, when you are expanding and growing together, and then suddenly one person pulls back, it's because the larger part of that person (their higher consciousness) expanded and the physical part of them chose not to go. They became afraid and they chose not to take the leap to where the larger part of themselves was standing. The larger part of themselves was 'over there' drinking champagne, celebrating, and enjoying life, while the physical part of themselves was still holding themselves back, unhappy and discontent. 

When things are going well and you know the next step will leap you forward to a place that is positive and beautiful, and you feel negative emotion about it, it's because you chose not to expand. You are holding yourself back because you are afraid of possibly experiencing hurt. It's protection, but it also doesn't move you forward. 

Take the time to understand what is really going on when you hold back--when you know something great is right there, but you choose not to experience it. Maybe it's time for you to take that small step toward it. 

One small step may be all you need to discover that you will be immersed in the warm embrace of something truly amazing.  

PS: Soul Love Awakening supports charities worldwide. $1 of every product sold goes to help the charity for that quarter. Check out PrairieGirlPress.Spreadshirt.ca for more details.

Why We Need to Awaken the Love Within

I have spoken before about feeling the love within us and why it's so important to open our hearts not only to ourselves but to others. Love really does change things when you can give and receive it freely.

When we block ourselves from love, it can affect every aspect of our lives, which includes experiencing true happiness. But, where does true happiness begin? It begins within. It can never be found externally....well, not on a permanent basis. See previous blog on how happiness is an inside job.

Awakening the love within doesn't just affect our lives but also the lives around us; it affects those beings that need help as well.

So the story goes, if we felt the true love inside of us for ourselves, we wouldn't intentionally hurt another.

Everyday, we see lack of compassion for another being. For example, Cecil the Lion was brutally killed earlier this week due to lack of compassion for another living being. But, the world is not going to hell in a hand basket. There is way more love out there than hate. If we truly opened our eyes, we would see that love is everywhere. 

But, how do you awaken the love within?

• Move beyond the ego and into the heart where love resides. 
• Love yourself because you can't effectively love another unless you love yourself completely. When you feel the love for yourself and recognize your own divinity, you will begin to recognize it in other beings, as well. 

Stay in love, dear friends!

P.S. Check out Prairie Girl Press on Spreadshirt where $1.00 of every product sold will go to help the charity for that quarter. This quarterly's charity is Worldanimalprotection.org. World Animal Protection helps to provide programs to protect beautiful animals like Cecil the lion. 

Sensuality and Relationships

Recently, I was pondering the word 'sensuality'. What does it mean and what is the difference between being sexy and sensual?

When thinking about sensuality, think juicy, delicious, full, and all encompassing. It's employing all of the senses, meaning that it goes beyond the physical.

It's everything: touch, taste, sound, expression--inside and out. It means body, mind, and spirit are one, blossoming into a beautiful and fully aware experience.

Think of a juicy ripe peach and all of the senses that play in the role in the consuming of it--full and lovely.

Sensuality is tuning into all of your senses. It's not only about experiencing all of your senses sexually but within the entire world and what is going on around you. It's mindfulness. It's experiencing life on all levels.

With relationships and life, we get caught up in the mundane, in the day to day activities. We go through the motions, not really paying attention to the energy around us. We choose not to sense the subtle vibrations, being sucked in by whirlwind of other useless energy; energy that we have become accustomed to but doesn't really serve us.

Sensuality means employing emotions, deep emotion, something many people have turned off because it protects them from being hurt. It's easier to protect the heart instead of feeling all of those powerful emotions. But, when we put up that deep wall around our heart, we rob ourselves of experiencing something deeper.

How do we experience sensuality?

Being mindful of your sensuality is getting out of your head and into the feelings, and into the energy that is running around you and through you.

It's becoming aware, noticing, recognizing, and opening up to the pure essence of this beautiful, sensual energy. That's the key: Stay open and let it flow. Don't overthink it, just trust in the beauty of it.

Stay sensual, beautiful friends!

Intimacy and Trust

We humans are a funny and fickle bunch. We are sent here to love and be loved but we would prefer to hold back our love for fear of being hurt. We would prefer to resist something amazing from coming into our lives because we fear that we may experience the same pain from the past.

We hold ourselves back because the thought of the potential pain is too much to handle. Who wants to be blindsided? It hurts like a son-of-a-birch-tree when you are blindsided. You feel unprotected and naked. Why would we want to expose our beautiful heart to something that could potentially hurt it?

Then, there is the flip side to all of that--it's something that our heart knows to be true: It's to love and to be loved. To love despite what is happening.

That is where intimacy comes in. Intimacy with your partner is about trust. It's about opening up to the flow of life, and it is the most beautiful way to share your heart. Intimacy is about that special connection between two people that brings you closer together. 

Well being, trust and intimacy are all part of the same package. We all tend to hold our heart energy close to us, holding it tightly so no one can take it away again, as if it were something to steal. We don't want to be the fool, especially when we give so much of ourselves.

To love another person, to be fully open to another, this is when our heart's energy expands. When it expands, we can open up to the full potential of our loving selves.

The ultimate in life is to share love. Do not pass up the chance to love. 

The Relationship Expiry Date

We've all been there: Hanging on to a relationship that clearly has past the 'Best Before Date'. For some reason, we like to hang on to things that no longer serve us. We think we will try harder or things will change for the better, and granted, they can. But, obviously, something has shifted in the vibration of the relationship and both people involved know it, even if they won't admit it. 

If you've already started to detach from a relationship because it no longer works, but, you have not fully cut the cord, here are few things to consider: 

• Prolonging the inevitable will not make it easier, but harder. Think about when you have to get a project done and you delay it to the last minute. It's a struggle and you hate every second of it. But, once it's done, you feel overwhelming relief. It's like pulling off a bandage: When you do it slowly, it's extremely painful.

• If you are trying to spare the other person's feelings, trust me, you aren't. You are only sparing your own so you don't look like the bad person. Fact is, it's more hurtful, damaging, and disrespectful when you put off what you know has to be done. The other person still believes that they are in a relationship with you. Even though they feel the pulling away, they will ignore it and still continue on. 

• You are preventing a more beautiful relationship from coming into your own life and the other person's life. That wonderful man/woman for you could be waiting to walk through that door, but you choose to keep it closed. 

• Holding on to a relationship because you feel you have to, because it's how you measure your worthiness, or because you are lonely are not valid reasons to hang on. 

When you ignore the signs that the relationship has hit its expiry date and when you delay what you know in your heart to be true, you are not doing yourself any favours. 

By not moving on from a relationship, when you know you should, will set up the vibration of not moving forward in other areas of your life. You will manifest a feeling of 'stuckness' or a perpetual cycle of the same scenarios, not only in your relationships, but in your career, finances, health, etc.

Resisting change causes more suffering than moving forward ever will. Keep moving forward. 

P.S: Soul Love Awakening supports worldwide charities. Find out how: www.prairiegirlpress.spreadshirt.ca .

Rebuilding the Relationship with Yourself

If you’re like me, you more than likely have given all of yourself in a loving relationship--working hard at compromising and understanding one another; making it work on the days where you just don’t seem to be getting along. Giving of yourself to a point where you are spent and have nothing left to give anymore. 

And, while they say that working at a relationship is key to a long lasting happily ever after, I say that there are other factors involved: one is alignment and the second is making sure that your needs are being taken care of.

Sometimes, we give so much of ourselves that we lose ourselves in the process. We become someone else for someone else. We do everything for another person leaving very little to give to us. This depletion leaves us tired, resentful and angry.

The key is to rebuild (and maintain) the relationship with yourself. You are an integral component to your loving relationship. You will be with yourself for the rest of your life, and need to dedicate yourself to you as well. How do you dedicate yourself to yourself? 

1)      Find out what makes you happy and make a promise to do those things.

2)    Do loving things for yourself. 

3)    Do something that will take care of you. 

4)    Talk to yourself as if you were talking to someone you absolutely loved. 

5)    Do these things on a consistent basis.

While we always wish the other person in our relationship would change, the fact is we

can't make anyone change, we can only change ourselves. 

The only relationship that really matters is the relationship between you and You: The

relationship with yourself. When you are more loving toward yourself, more respectful,

more dedicated, choosing that your happiness is key and only you can make you

happy, then your relationships will reflect this for you. Honour who you are and what you

are made of because you are important and you are worth it. 

Stay true to yourselves, lovely friends. 

PS: Want to find out how you can love yourself even more? Join me and Michelle Ponto for a Women's Wellness Weekend in July. Click here for details.

Are You Letting Love In?

We cannot move through this life unscathed. At one point or another, we will be hurt by a lover that we trusted, which can leave us leery about trying at love again. It can drive us to do things that will keep our hearts hidden, protected, and buried somewhere where no one can find it.

Many would argue what love actually is: Emotion, feeling, a state of mind, a state of being, an action, or, as Allanah Myles sings, 'love is what you want it to be'.  

Here is my take on it: Love, unconditional love, is seeing the other person for who they really are—as pure love themselves, and loving that person because they are already love. There is no ego involved. There is no 'you scratch my back and I scratch yours.' It's an energy exchange that easily flows between two people.

The only time that it doesn't flow easily is when there is resistance by one or both parties. Typically this means that the heart is still being protected and hidden.

Eckhart Tolle says, "What is commonly called "falling in love" is in most cases an intensification of egoic wanting and needing. You become addicted to another person, or rather to your image of that person. It has nothing to do with true love, which contains no wanting whatsoever." 

Dear Lovely Souls, Loving another requires unlocking the door to your heart so love can flow in. How beautiful it is to be able to experience what it's like to love and be loved. Life is meant to be lived with love. Don't squander it.


PS:
Find love of self, inside and out. Attend Michelle Ponto's Women's Wellness Retreat July 16-19, 2015 in Phoenix, Arizona. Click here for details. 

Reveal Your Heart

"What you are willing to show your partner first, that is where your worth lies." This is a quote by my good friend, Melissa. We had been talking about love and self worth, observing that what we are willing to reveal to another person first is where our self worth lies.

When we feel we are lacking in the worth department, we will reveal to others things that hold very little value; superficial things that really don't show others our true magnificence. We believe that our worth and desirability will be validated if we can show others how worthy we are through our income, our sexual prowess, our education, our over achievement... and the list goes on. While these things have some use to a degree, they aren't what make us worthy or valid.

We've all been hurt and we've all been rejected. It's part of life and it has nothing to do with our worth or who we are. Rejection and hurt is all ego. The ego is consistently looking for someone to validate it because that's what gives it more momentum; that's what keeps ego alive. The ego likes to jump on the couch and yell, "Look at me. Look at me."

When we reveal our heart, when we aren't afraid to open it up so others can see what's inside, that is when our light truly shines. Don't be afraid to love. Don't be afraid to open up your heart and send love out to the world. You must love yourself so deeply that you will not be able to experience the intense pain from rejection or hurt. If the pain of a break up were to happen, the grief would be minuscule.

Let your love flow like an ocean to your own heart; it will overflow and swell to the point where it has no where else to go but out into the Universe. Try this for 30 days. Be mindful about your feelings and consistently send love to your beautiful heart. Then, don't be afraid to reveal that beauty to the world.

Stay true to yourself and own your magnificence!

Want to learn more about loving yourself inside and out? Check out the women's wellness weekend in Arizona July 16-19, 2015. We would love to see you there!

Falling in Love With You

Many years ago, I had thought that loving yourself meant you were conceited and loving yourself meant you thought very highly of yourself. Picture Reggie from the Archie comics. 

But, then I discovered that loving yourself doesn't mean being conceited, and it certainly doesn't mean you are full of yourself. Loving yourself means that you are willing and able to treat yourself with love and respect, the same love and respect you would give to others. Loving yourself isn't about the 'me' attitude. Loving yourself is about knowing your worth and knowing that you will not be treated like a doormat. Loving yourself means that you are not willing to settle. 

When you love yourself, it is so much easier to love others. Loving yourself means you can see beyond the facade and passed the brokenness, passed the ego of either yourself or others, and see into the soul at the deepest level. 

Loving yourself is honouring yourself. 

If you want to learn more about caring for yourself, my friend Michelle Ponto, of Michelle Ponto Fitness, is hosting a women's wellness weekend in Arizona in July, in which I will be holding Soul Love Awakening sessions. For more information, check out the link at Michelle Ponto Fitness Wellness Weekend. We would love to see your beautiful faces there! 

Keep loving yourself, dear friends! 

Namaste.

Love, Death, and Moving On

Nothing is more poignant than the moment in the movie “PS I Love You" where Holly is coming to terms with the death of her husband, Gerry.

She says, “And then I meet Gerry. This wonderful man happens to me and then, and then he died! What was the point? I'm so angry I could kill somebody. I'm alone, and it doesn't matter what job I have or what I do or what I don't do or what friends I have, he's not here. I mean, you're alone, no matter what.”

If you’ve lost your love, this quote will most likely resonate with you. Finding someone who connects with you on every level, who brings to the relationship something deep and beautiful, and then passes away may have you wondering what was the point.

Anger. Frustration. Confusion. Disappointment. Rejection. Fear. Heartache.These are all the emotions you can expect to feel, and there seems to be nothing that can make you feel better. That hole in your heart stays where it is, throbbing.

While it's true that you feel as if you won't ever feel normal again, or that you will never be able to pick yourself up by your bootstraps and carry on, I'm here to say that it will happen.

However, to do this, the action begins with you. Everyday is a new day. Everyday begins fresh. The pain in your heart will slowly, but surely, subside. Everyday, you take gentle steps to move forward, because that is what your loved one would have wanted. Everyday, you learn something new, grow in your awareness, and heal a little bit more. 

The steps you take don't have to be big ones; they can be small steps that might not look like much, but they are huge when you lump them all together. 

This transitional time is where you take care of you. You give yourself the love you need. This is the time where you wrap your arms around yourself and tell yourself it's okay to grieve. It's okay to feel crappy when you want to. Give yourself permission because you are the one in control of your emotions. 

Just don't live there. Don't hold yourself in that place of not moving forward; it won't do you any good and it won't bring back your loved one. We can try to hold ourselves in limbo, but this will never move us forward, nor will it allow us to live our lives to the fullest. 

C.S. Lewis said, “There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting your loved one. They will always be with you. Whatever your belief is, they are always beside you, in your heart and mind. They are always be a part of you. Take comfort in knowing that this time will pass. Take comfort in knowing that the universe wants to continue to fill your life with amazing and wonderful experiences, but only if you are open to them. 

Take care of your beautiful heart!

It's Groundhog Day...Again

"What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?" - Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day 

In the movie Groundhog Day, Bill Murray plays a news reporter who relives Groundhog Day over and over and over...until he experiences a shift within himself that finally moves him on to the next day, and a better life. 

Maybe you've experienced this before, a point in your life where nothing seems to be moving forward; where everyday is just like the last one. You wake up each morning and nothing has changed. 

Because this is a blog about relationships, let's focus on that topic, keeping in mind that this post can be applied to anything in your life that you feel isn't moving forward. 

Energy is always in motion. Things never stall or stop moving. But focusing on what isn't going right and what isn't happening gives the impression that things have come to a standstill. In actuality, the momentum is going the opposite direction of where we want to go. 

Things can appear as if they are a never-ending revolving door that we are stuck on, going in a circle and wondering when we can get off. We don't realize that it is up to us to make the move to step out when we see the next opening.

Making that move can be difficult because we have been wired, over a long period of time, to believe many untrue things about ourselves and about life. Things like, 'I'm not worthy or I'm not deserving. This is how life is and I might as well accept it.' 

We surmise that, seeing as this is what our parents went through, then we must have the same life as well.  

But, just like Phil Connors, the change begins within. There's no waiting around for Superman or Wonder Woman to show up to save us or make the decisions for us--we have to save ourselves.

Holding ourselves in that place of what is happening right now, and disliking it for what it is, will not get us to where we want to go. What is happening right now is a creation of what we were focusing on in our past. It's old news already, and, if we keep reading the old news, we will keep getting the old news--until we shift. We have to take this moment and change our perception about our situation, and continue to do so till it becomes dominant in our thinking and emotions.

Knowing that you deserve better, reaching your hand out for something better, and expecting amazing things to come...that is how you leave the revolving door. You keep waking up everyday and choose differently. Choose a different feeling and a different perspective. Wake up with gratitude and appreciation, and the knowledge that you have the choice in the thoughts you think and the emotions you feel.

This is what real power is.

If you are waiting for a sign, then here it is. The moment you started to desire for more in life is your indication that it's time to take a step forward. You can't wait for others to catch up to you, to make the decision for you--you have to decide that you are ready to change something and envision better. 

What can you do today to reach for something better? 

Namaste.

Best Friends to Lovers

I'm a huge believer in lovers being best friends first. As someone who has experienced both sides of the coin (jumping head first into a relationship as a lover, and also building a friendship that turned into a beautiful relationship), I can honestly tell you that the 'friends first' route is a lovely way to go. 

Here's why: 

1) Building a relationship based on friendship gives you a strong foundation to grow from; a foundation that is very difficult to tear down. 

2) There are very few expectations when building from a friendship. You both can be yourselves.

3) There's a certain gentleness to being able to start in a place of friendship. It's a lovely progression where trust is built. 

4) There's something really honest and open when growing a relationship from a friendship. 

5) Taking the time to really understand one another, prior to the physical part of the relationship, creates a deeper intimacy and a stronger bond. 

6) There's a feeling of ease and calm when building that strong foundation; something that is rarely experienced when a relationship becomes physical too fast.   

7) When the sexual stuff does eventually happen, it will be incomparable to anything you've ever experienced before because you've created that deeper connection.

Once you have this solid foundation constructed, the relationship will continue to expand, grow, and blossom into something beautiful and meaningful. So, take it easy. There really is no rush. 

Does this mean that the relationship will last forever? Not necessarily. People change and grow, sometimes in different directions. It happens and that's okay. You can create more lovely experiences like this one. It's not a one time thing. 

Dear lovers, find someone who wants to get to know your soul and who wants to really know who you are on every level. It's worth taking the time for. 

Why I'm Not Afraid to Love Again: A Valentine's Day Story

It's Valentine's Day and also the third anniversary since my beloved passed away. Please, don’t feel sorry for me. 

Yes, his death crushed me and there was a time when I wondered how I would be able to ever move forward. I wasn't sure if the pain would ever move out of my heart or if I would ever feel normal again. I wasn't sure if I would ever get to the point of moving on or living fully. 

But I have. With one foot in front of the other, I have. 

Sometimes, we can’t understand why someone has to leave us. That's the thing about death: we can never ask the person who has died why they had to go. We can’t ask them that, if things were done differently, maybe they would still be here. We can't keep wondering if only we could turn back the hands of time and do something different, maybe this wouldn't have happened. We also can’t continue to beat ourselves up with questions of ‘what if’.

The point is, they have chosen that path. Whether consciously or subconsciously, it was all up to them. And we have to honour their choice. As much as it hurts, as much as we feel left behind, them leaving has nothing to do with us and everything to do with them wanting to move on. We have to respect that.

Do I still have questions? Definitely. But, I never regret my time spent with him. I never feel like I’ve been handed a bad deal. I loved him with all my heart, and still do. What he gave to me has given me the strength to carry on. 

Do I have bad days? Yes, of course. It’s human to have these feelings. 
But, then I think about the love he gave. What a lovely gift I was given! He showed me what deep and beautiful love is. This is something I will treasure forever!

I’m not afraid to love again. This amazing love that we had was full of respect and kindness, and was a true gift... and I want that again. This is one of the reasons why I won't settle. 

When you feel like you can’t move on; when you feel like you have been hurt too much and wonder how it's possible to love again; when you wonder if it's possible if someone else can come into your life to help you to fully experience love, remember that it is always possible. There is always a way. The Universe is a much better planner than you! 

Keep your eyes open. Keep your heart open. Make sure you are giving back to yourself the love you are sending out. Feel and know your worth. And, take it easy. Don't push. Feel the gentleness of it. 

Happy Valentine’s Day, lovely souls. Love yourself fully. And, no matter what, don’t be afraid to love again! 

Preparing for Love

Getting yourself ready for love is like preparing yourself for any major life event. Think about it: love is a big deal, and if you aren't prepared for it properly, it could end badly. This isn't to say that, once you prepare for love, the relationship will be everlasting. Nothing is guaranteed, things happen, and people grow apart. However, you want to make sure you prepare for love so you are attracting what you want.

There are many ways that we can prepare for love. For instance, buy something nice to wear on a first date, or declutter the bedroom to make it more conducive to romance and welcoming a lover.

While doing the outside preparation is a requirement, the inside preparation is more important. To prepare for love, we have to go deep within ourselves.

Feeling extremely insecure about yourself will not attract the appropriate partner into your life. You may say you want a person with certain types of qualities and characteristics, but, for some reason, you always seem to attract the opposite (see previous blog post on why you attract the same types of relationships).

This is where you take a good look at yourself. What is it that you need to improve about you? One thing that most of us do not do is fully love and respect ourselves. Loving and respecting yourself should be number one on your list. How do you love and respect yourself? Are you honouring who you are? Are you honouring your own feelings? Are you staying true to who you are?

Have you let go of the past or are you holding on? Anger and resentment are two things that we easily can bring into our new relationship. If we've been hurt in the past, and haven't effectively dealt with the pain, we can bring that garbage into our new shiny relationship. Is that really fair to the other person?  Is it fair to you?

You would expect the person you have a relationship with to honour and treasure your beautiful heart. But, that can't really happen if you don't honour and treasure it yourself. If you expect someone to do it for you, you may be disappointed if they don't follow through. Start by taking care of your own heart. When you do, someone will come into your life who will help you treasure it.

Dear lovely souls, Valentine's Day is around the corner. Make a promise to yourself to give yourself the loving care that you need. Do the work necessary for you to truly love you. You will not be disappointed. 

That's Not a Good Enough Offer for Me

I'm not sure if you've seen Bridget Jones' Diary, but near the end of the movie when Daniel Cleaver is lying in the street, after Mark Darcy hands him his ass, he says to Bridget Jones,  

"Come on Bridget, we belong together - you, me, poor little skirt. If I can't make it with you, then I can't make it with anyone."

After a few seconds of pondering, and realizing that Daniel will never give her what she needs, she says, "That's not a good enough offer for me."

This is probably one of the most revelatory moments in the entire movie, not only for Bridget, but for others who have been in Bridget's shoes.

We go through life stuck in waiting mode. We wait for our love interest to realize that they truly love us and can't live without us. We wait for that person to see our perfection and our worthiness, hoping that they will realize we are the best thing ever to come into their lives. We stay stuck waiting and hoping that this other person, the one who pushes us away as fast as they pull us into their lives, will realize how much they need us, validating who we are, not realizing that they are, most likely, very much a 'Daniel Cleaver'.

If you are experiencing uncertainty in your love life with regards to another person, ask yourself the following: 

• Why am I allowing this? 
• Why am I hanging around when I'm not getting what I need or want? 

Saying you are sticking around because you 'really love someone and it's really good when we are together' is great, but what about the in between parts? Let me explain: Loving someone is truly amazing. Being 'good' together when you are 'actually together' is also lovely. But, what is going on during those times of uncertainty? Relationships are partnerships where there is no question where you stand with the other person. If you are always playing scenarios in your mind about why he/she hasn't called/texted yet, or racking your brain about what you said or did that pushed that person away, then you aren't getting what you want and need from this relationship. 

Ask yourself, dear friends, "Is this a good enough offer for me?"

Bridget Jones came to the point where she wasn't willing to settle with someone who was unsure about her. She wanted the certainty. She wanted someone to love and respect her as much as she could give love and respect back. She wanted more. 

You deserve more. 

The Depths of Uncertainty (or Seeing the Upside of Shitty Situations)

Right now, we are going through a major shift in the Universe, and many of us might be feeling slightly discombobulated. I know I have.

Maybe you've seen the end of a relationship, a shake up of a job, changes in your life you weren't expecting, or perhaps you've felt that things have been stuck or stagnant for too long and, well, when is it all going to get better?

As you know, I'm a huge fan of the belief that the energy we give out is what we get back and that we create our own lives; however, I do think that we can be affected by energies around us if we aren't aware of what to do and how to settle ourselves.

But, I digress, because this post is about how to get a handle on your own feelings and emotions when faced with those people who wish to sink your cork. You may have encountered that feeling of a 'fragmented soul' when you have a fight with your spouse/significant other that seems to strip you of your energy. You feel as if they have put another dent in your beautiful heart.

As crappy as these moments are, these moments are the best times to figure out what you truly want. You can either take this moment and turn it over in your brain a thousand times, over-analyze about how much it hurt you, or, you can decide that the other person, as idiotic as you think they are in that moment, is most likely just as afraid as you are.

Change is frightening, and to think that your relationship might be on the brink of destruction will make you grab hold of anything to achieve some sort of balance. Your significant other isn't feeling anything different from you. Just like you, they fear losing control of the situation or that things will change too fast for their liking. Maybe they don't like how the relationship is going and where it's headed, and they don't know how to stop this collision course that it's on.

Just like you, they want change, but they may be fearful to make the change. Or maybe they don't know how to make the change. There's always a lot of work involved when trying to make a difference in your life, which could mean changing belief systems, or changing marital statuses. There is no denying it--these relationship shake-ups are huge.

First, you can't control how other people act. You can only control how you feel and how you act. The other person will always do what they are aligned with, no matter how much you try to control the situation.

When faced with shitty situations such as these, you must redirect your focus. No, it's not putting your head in the sand. It's called thinking outside that box that is already full of stress and sadness.
It's time to get a better view of things, because you can't solve a problem with the same thinking that created it.

So, what is it you want for yourself? Happiness? Stability? Better living situation? Love?
Saying things like, "I want her/him to change" is not the answer because a) You will be sadly disappointed when you realize that you can't make anyone change, and b) You have to accept responsibility for your own actions. Every relationship has two sides to the story.

To make deep changes, you have to start with yourself. You have to look at your role in all of this. What have you been attracting? What have you been thinking and feeling? Have you been loving yourself? Have you been kind to yourself? To others?

You have to understand that the love and respect you seek is within yourself.

So, how do you affect change so these shitty things are few and far between? How do you get on the same page with your spouse? Well, first off, you may or may not get on the same page as your spouse because this is all about vibrational alignment. So, to get change, you have to take a good look at yourself and how you treat you. How do you feel about you? How do you feel about the world? What energy are you sending out there?

We are creatures of habit. We may not even be aware of the vibration that we are sending out because it's become a part of us. But, unknown to you, that vibration could be holding you back. When you've become so accustomed to disagreements with your spouse, you have now made it a dominant vibration--a habit. And, it'll keep happening till you change your vibration about it.

Your spouse has to make the effort too....and they have to want to make an effort. Once you start changing your vibration, they will either match up to your new vibe or they will no longer be a part of your life...it's up to them.

When these shitty things happen, they are a wake up call to you. Notice them. Embrace them. Yes, they happened and they were really freaking shitty. You don't like being in that ugly place, and every time it happens, you feel you lose another part of yourself.

But, here's the thing, you can decide in that moment, right then and there, that you don't want to feel this way anymore.

How?

You become aware of what you are thinking and feeling. You become so attuned to your body and emotions, start adjusting those thoughts and feelings, that change starts to happen.

It will take effort, it will take some creative thinking, and it will take time.
But, dear beautiful friends, your happiness is worth the effort.

Namaste.

Letting the Past Go

Things that we did or didn't do, how we acted or reacted, or who we have hurt--we all tend to get stuck in this place of 'what-ifs' or 'shouldn't haves', wondering what could have been different. We hold onto past situations and behaviours with the belief that this is who we are, and if only we could change it.

Eckhart Tolle says that we should deeply realize that the present moment is all we have and that our primary focus in life is NOW. Not what happened yesterday or 10 years ago, and not what might happen tomorrow or 10 years from now...right now, this moment is all we have. 

Any past situations that you experienced, whether good or bad, happened because you were a energetic match to them. What happened in that moment occurred because you were ready to expand for more, and any contrasting experience was put in front of you so you could choose something different....something lovelier, nicer, kinder.

It can be difficult to understand that any perceived negative experience might actually work to our advantage. We view negative situations as something undesirable, and they certainly are in that moment. But, it's these experiences that wake us up, that make us choose differently in each moment. It's these experiences that make us pay attention to what we are doing and how we are feeling. 

Anything that you have been holding onto from the past that might be keeping you stuck, it's time to let it go. It has served it's purpose: it has shaken you awake. That old stuff can't be changed, no matter how hard you try. 

So, dear Beautiful Friends, take those things from the past and stand on top of them. Then, reach out your hand and grasp something better.

Namaste.  

Owning Your Bullshit Story

I love this quote by Elizabeth Gilbert so much that I had to do a blog post on it. It resonates deeply to how we tend to get caught up in our own bullshit story... and it usually is all bullshit.

We love to tell the story of what happened to us, why we can’t do things, how we can’t get ahead, or can’t get better. Maybe you are in a relationship out of convenience, wearing the mask that everything is awesome, but really it isn't and you've created nothing but smoke and mirrors.

We say things like ‘life is a struggle’, ‘my life is crappy’, ‘my relationship sucks’, 'I don't really need to love deeply,' or 'I can stick it out in this mediocre relationship for the next 20, 30, 40 years', or something similar.

On top of all that, we usually blame someone else for our problems. If only that person could be better, do better, act better, then things would be perfect. Unfortunately, you can’t control how others act, but you can control how you react.

As hard as this is to swallow, we are in charge of every aspect of our own lives. Unfortunately, many of us feel unworthy, undeserving, or incapable of creating what we want because we don’t believe we have the power to make our lives better. 

What it comes down to is this: If your relationship sucks, then do something about it. If the other person doesn’t want to make it work, then shut that door and allow another door to open. Another door will always open...if you want it to.

You cannot go through life wishing things to be different when you already have been given the power to make things different. Don’t relinquish control to someone else because no one else is in control of your happiness but you. If you are unhappy, then decide to make yourself happy. If it means moving forward and leaving others behind, then so be it.

Some of you might say, “Easier said than done” or “Ya, but it’s difficult.”

It may be difficult but it’s not impossible. You will always have to put effort into something that is important....especially when it comes to your happiness. 

Ask yourself these questions:

Where is my focus?

Am I focused on the bullshit story I’ve been telling myself for a very long time?

Am I focused on making my life the way I want it?

Abraham Hicks says not to think about something as a future thought, that it ‘will ‘ happen, but ‘become’ what you want in this moment. What does this mean? It means if you want love, feel that love right now. Become it, because the energy you send out is what you attract back to you.

Dear beautiful friends, do not fight for your limitations, because nothing is impossible.   

Namaste.

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