Love, Death, and Moving On

Nothing is more poignant than the moment in the movie “PS I Love You" where Holly is coming to terms with the death of her husband, Gerry.

She says, “And then I meet Gerry. This wonderful man happens to me and then, and then he died! What was the point? I'm so angry I could kill somebody. I'm alone, and it doesn't matter what job I have or what I do or what I don't do or what friends I have, he's not here. I mean, you're alone, no matter what.”

If you’ve lost your love, this quote will most likely resonate with you. Finding someone who connects with you on every level, who brings to the relationship something deep and beautiful, and then passes away may have you wondering what was the point.

Anger. Frustration. Confusion. Disappointment. Rejection. Fear. Heartache.These are all the emotions you can expect to feel, and there seems to be nothing that can make you feel better. That hole in your heart stays where it is, throbbing.

While it's true that you feel as if you won't ever feel normal again, or that you will never be able to pick yourself up by your bootstraps and carry on, I'm here to say that it will happen.

However, to do this, the action begins with you. Everyday is a new day. Everyday begins fresh. The pain in your heart will slowly, but surely, subside. Everyday, you take gentle steps to move forward, because that is what your loved one would have wanted. Everyday, you learn something new, grow in your awareness, and heal a little bit more. 

The steps you take don't have to be big ones; they can be small steps that might not look like much, but they are huge when you lump them all together. 

This transitional time is where you take care of you. You give yourself the love you need. This is the time where you wrap your arms around yourself and tell yourself it's okay to grieve. It's okay to feel crappy when you want to. Give yourself permission because you are the one in control of your emotions. 

Just don't live there. Don't hold yourself in that place of not moving forward; it won't do you any good and it won't bring back your loved one. We can try to hold ourselves in limbo, but this will never move us forward, nor will it allow us to live our lives to the fullest. 

C.S. Lewis said, “There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting your loved one. They will always be with you. Whatever your belief is, they are always beside you, in your heart and mind. They are always be a part of you. Take comfort in knowing that this time will pass. Take comfort in knowing that the universe wants to continue to fill your life with amazing and wonderful experiences, but only if you are open to them. 

Take care of your beautiful heart!

Owning Your Bullshit Story

I love this quote by Elizabeth Gilbert so much that I had to do a blog post on it. It resonates deeply to how we tend to get caught up in our own bullshit story... and it usually is all bullshit.

We love to tell the story of what happened to us, why we can’t do things, how we can’t get ahead, or can’t get better. Maybe you are in a relationship out of convenience, wearing the mask that everything is awesome, but really it isn't and you've created nothing but smoke and mirrors.

We say things like ‘life is a struggle’, ‘my life is crappy’, ‘my relationship sucks’, 'I don't really need to love deeply,' or 'I can stick it out in this mediocre relationship for the next 20, 30, 40 years', or something similar.

On top of all that, we usually blame someone else for our problems. If only that person could be better, do better, act better, then things would be perfect. Unfortunately, you can’t control how others act, but you can control how you react.

As hard as this is to swallow, we are in charge of every aspect of our own lives. Unfortunately, many of us feel unworthy, undeserving, or incapable of creating what we want because we don’t believe we have the power to make our lives better. 

What it comes down to is this: If your relationship sucks, then do something about it. If the other person doesn’t want to make it work, then shut that door and allow another door to open. Another door will always open...if you want it to.

You cannot go through life wishing things to be different when you already have been given the power to make things different. Don’t relinquish control to someone else because no one else is in control of your happiness but you. If you are unhappy, then decide to make yourself happy. If it means moving forward and leaving others behind, then so be it.

Some of you might say, “Easier said than done” or “Ya, but it’s difficult.”

It may be difficult but it’s not impossible. You will always have to put effort into something that is important....especially when it comes to your happiness. 

Ask yourself these questions:

Where is my focus?

Am I focused on the bullshit story I’ve been telling myself for a very long time?

Am I focused on making my life the way I want it?

Abraham Hicks says not to think about something as a future thought, that it ‘will ‘ happen, but ‘become’ what you want in this moment. What does this mean? It means if you want love, feel that love right now. Become it, because the energy you send out is what you attract back to you.

Dear beautiful friends, do not fight for your limitations, because nothing is impossible.   

Namaste.

PS. Soul Love Awakening supports worldwide charities. Find out how: www.prairiegirlpress.spreadshirt.ca 

Standing at the Threshold

As the holiday season approaches, most of us become more reflective about our lives, taking the time to slow down and determine what we truly want.

The other night while watching Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, I realized something with regards to what the ghost Jacob Marley said to Ebeneezer Scrooge: "I wear the chain I forged in life. I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it.”

Now, I don't believe we carry these things into the afterlife only because we return to pure positive energy when we do croak; however, I believe we carry these chains right now, and we add to the link the more we carry anger, resentment, regret, fear, and unhappiness. And it's always our choice to carry it or not. 
The good news is we are not alone. Most of us carry these chains because we have lost touch with who we truly are. We choose to bind ourselves with negativity, making it a form of protection, and not realizing that this is what is strangling us. The sad thing is, we are doing it to ourselves.  
Eckhart Tolle would say that these chains are ego-based. We hold onto these negative emotions for numerous reasons, including to feel in control, or feel we need to struggle or suffer to get to the good stuff. Maybe we feel holding onto these things will make us more aware. It won't hurt as much if we are already prepared, right? 

How can we let go when someone has hurt us, especially since we are angry with ourselves for allowing it? We can't move on because we are so busy looking back at what happened. We become paralyzed in our own negative emotion. 

Firstly, it's time to be honest with yourself: Are these negative emotions serving you? Maybe in the beginning you felt that they offered something to you for a short period of time. But, right now, in this moment, do you feel they serve you? No. They aren't. They are binding you, just like they did to Jacob Marley. You can't control other's actions, you can only control your own actions and reactions. 

When you come to this realization, that's when you start to feel the chains dropping away. 

The second thing to do is, when you feel like you are ready to react to a situation, which is all ego, send love to that person. Immaculee Ilibagiza, author of Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust, said that when she came face to face with Hutu tribe members who were killing all Tutsi tribe members, she envisioned sending love to them, and discovered that they backed down, letting her pass to safety. If Immaculee can send love to people who had killed the majority of her family and friends, you can send love to someone you feel has wronged you. 

Dear friends, we are standing at the threshold of a new year. It's time to let go of the chains that bind you. 

Namaste.

Sticking Around... When It's Time to Let Go

We’ve all been there... hey, maybe you're there right now. You know what I mean...in a relationship that isn’t working. Maybe you are waiting around for that person to decide if they want to be in a relationship with you, or maybe you are waiting for something to change. Or, perhaps, you are waiting for the other person to change, or some divine intervention to show you what to do, to make the decision for you.

When a relationship is on its way out; when it’s reached its expiration date; when it’s time to pack it in, we can feel it. We know it.

But, we usually aren't honest with ourselves enough to take the next step.

Why? Well, what if we are wrong? What if we can’t find someone else? What if things change tomorrow? What if the other person comes to the realization that they can’t live without us? And what about all that work, work, work of rebuilding our lives without that person? It's exhausting!

Rather than being true to ourselves and what our emotions are telling us, we stick around because it validates our level of lovability and desirability. Maybe we think we’ve found 'The One' because we feel a deep connection with them, even though we aren't getting the type of relationship that we want from them.

The relationship is unsatisfying, and you know you've been trying really hard to make it work. Unfortunately, it becomes more of a struggle while performing an in-depth analysis with your friends (over a bottle of wine) about what the other person has done or said. 

Now what? It hurts to leave and it hurts to stay.

In the blatantly honest words of a friend of mine: “If he isn’t all over your beautiful ass and begging for more of you, he isn’t worthy.”

The person in your life, or the person you want in your life, should want to be with you. It's that simple.

They should want to check on you to see how you are doing. There should be effort involved. If you are the one doing all the connecting, and you are unsatisfied with the progress of things (and you really want them to be all over your beautiful ass and they aren't), then it’s time to move on.

There is someone else out there that will be everything you are looking for and more. 

Namaste, beautiful souls!

Your Enoughness

It's interesting what we will believe about ourselves when someone plants a seed in our brain. For instance, the feeling of not being enough for your significant other is a heartbreaking realization. Have you ever felt that nothing you say, do, or become will ever be enough for them?

We spend so much time trying to show this person how 'enough' we are, how worthy we are, hoping to satisfy them. We show them that we can do all of these things for them, and maybe, just maybe, we will be awarded with some modicum of gratitude and appreciation. But it's never enough. 

It's truly sad and disappointing. 

The fact is, it wouldn't matter how much effort you put into being 'enough', it would never be 'enough'. 

So, what do you do? 

1) First, realize that this is all ego. Eckhart Tolle says, "Whenever you feel superior or inferior to anyone, that is the ego in you." Ego will have you believe anything that it wants you to. It will have you believe that you are everything in one breath and nothing in the next. Take a step outside of this judgement and be the observer of this thought. The thought is just that--a thought, and it holds no weight.

2) Understand that the person you are trying to impress will never be satisfied because they are always looking for something outside themselves to make them happy. It is not your job to make them happy. It's theirs. 

3) Understand that the way you feel about yourself, your enoughness or not enoughness, is compounded by continuing to feel the way you do. If you felt 'enough', you would have that reflected back onto you. No one can tell you that you are enough or not. You are the only one that can deem yourself 'enough', and you need to connect with that knowing from deep inside. It's the only way. 

4) Their acknowledgement of your enoughness isn't going to make you feel like you are enough. Knowing that you are is all you need.(see #2)

5) There are loads of people in this world who will celebrate your enoughness. Find them. Those are the people you want in your life. 

6) If someone doesn't see your enoughness, then this is a person you do not want in your life. They are detrimental to you living a happy and fulfilled life.

You are more than enough. 

The Myth of 'The One'

“We have to allow ourselves to be loved by the people who really love us, the people who really matter. Too much of the time, we are blinded by our own pursuits of people to love us, people that don't even matter, while all that time we waste and the people who do love us have to stand on the sidewalk and watch us beg in the streets! It's time to put an end to this. It's time for us to let ourselves be loved.” ― C. Joy Bell 

"The One." Sounds romantic, doesn't it? If I had a dollar for every time I announced I found the one, I'd be a rich woman. Of all the unlimited choices in the entire universe, do you really think that the universal forces would only limit us to making a true connection with one person? Think about that for a second. 

 You usually hear about 'The One' when someone makes a deep connection with another person, and suddenly, they can't see themselves living life without each other. 

Not to burst your romantic bubble, but 'The One' is a myth. There isn't just one person for each of us. There are many. Sure, there's "The One right now", but there is always more where that one came from. 

Here's the thing: People grow, evolve, and change. Always have and always will. And, sometimes, we don't grow along with our partners; instead, we grow apart. That's okay. It happens. 

That person that you felt a deep connection with 10 years ago is no longer fitting like a puzzle piece in your life. You are growing apart and realizing that you are leading two separate lives. Or, possibly, a true love has passed on. Now what? 

If I had believed that there was only one person that was meant for me, well, I would be done at the age of 42, because I met him and he passed on. If had believed this myth, I would have already purchased my ten cats and activated my old maid card.  

When someone enters into our lives where we feel a deep connection with them in every way possible (the dots connect and the stars align), we truly believe that this is it for the rest of our lives. He/she is 'The One'. However, people come into our lives at that particular point in time because they are a vibrational match for us at that stage in our lives. 

When I think of my relationship with Trevor and how connected we were, I know that he brought me something very beautiful; something that I needed in my life to show me the beauty of myself. That was his gift to me, and I'm so very grateful for it. 

Don't go into a relationship thinking that this is 'The One'. Go into a relationship with the thought that you are having a beautiful experience. It may last a lifetime, or it may last two weeks. When it's ending, know that it's okay to let it go, and fill yourself with gratitude for the amazing gift that you received.