Tuesday, 29 April 2014

Why You are Attracting the Same Types of Relationships

You've recently gotten out of a relationship because the two of you are no longer jiving. You remember the good old days when you used to click…but now...well, the Righteous Brother’s song “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” comes to mind.

You’ve had enough of your ex’s behaviour...and, quite frankly, it reminds you of your previous relationship with old 'so-and-so'.

You decide to start fresh and find someone that totally gets you…and you do! You two are connecting, the birds are singing, the planets are aligning!

Fast forward a few months and you start seeing many similarities between this person and your previous boyfriend/girlfriend.

So, what gives?

First, everything is energy. This means that like energy always attracts like energy. Your vibration is matching up with a similar vibration.

When you enter into a new relationship and you discover you’ve attracted the same thing, except different person, what has happened is your vibration has not changed. If the last 5 partners have all been eerily similar, then there is something that you need to work on inside of you to change your vibration of what you truly want to attract.

Abraham –Hicks calls this 'working a vibrational groove’. You basically have made your current vibration a habit and are now creating by default rather than deliberately. You probably don’t even realize that you are giving off that vibration because you are so used to it.

However, if you don’t like what you are creating, you have to get deliberate about it, and that means tending to your vibration. You need to be aware of what is going on inside you.

What are your internal thoughts and feelings about yourself, about relationships, about your significant other, or what you expect in a significant other? What are your beliefs regarding relationships? This is the work. 

The work isn’t signing up for an online dating site. The work isn’t changing your hair colour. The work is going deep within and finding out what is really going on.

So, what do you do about it? You start by changing your vibe. This means stop living like it’s the past. Stop replaying all those old scenarios of hurt and betrayal and confusion. Decide what it is you want. Decide how you want to feel, and then feel it. Don’t back down from feeling those good feelings. You really have to be on top of your thoughts and emotions to change to a new vibration. Once you get into the groove of these new thoughts and emotions, and the negative stuff takes a back seat, that’s when you start to see change happen! 


Friday, 18 April 2014

Healing Your Heart

The ending of a relationship is, quite possibly, one of the crappiest things to experience. All of that time and emotion and effort put into the relationship to make it tick.... done... like yesterday's dinner. We give all of our heart and soul, and strip ourselves bare, fully opening up to the other person, hoping and trusting that they will do the same.

We create this connection with this special person with high hopes that it will last a lifetime....but it doesn't.
No wonder we have a tough time moving on!

So, what can the broken-hearted do to heal their beautiful heart?

  • First off, know that the pain is not going to go away instantaneously. It's going to take time to heal. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself the love you need. We don't always give ourselves the love and affection that we need to mend our hearts. Be mindful that this is an important step in healing.  
  • Understand that, because the relationship ended, it does not mean you are a failure. We are all constantly growing and evolving, and sometimes we grow apart from each other. It's part of life.
  •  Take these relationship experiences to help you understand what you truly want in the next relationship. The more you know what you don't want, the more you know what you do want. 
  • It's okay to mourn the end of the relationship. Sometimes we feel that it’s ‘wrong’ to cry over someone, especially if they have been unkind to us. Understand that you are making a major change in your life. Take the time to honour yourself, and give yourself credit for making a decision to make a change for the better.
  • Talk to people who will support you and give you the space you need. Do not be around others who will try to undermine your decision. You are making this decision for a reason, and only you can make that decision. 
  • Find the right transition period to move from healing to moving forward. Sometimes, we get so stuck in the sadness that we hang out there for longer than we should. Although, you are the only one who knows what you need, please be honest with yourself. Are you doing everything possible to heal, or are you lingering in the past? There is a large, limitless world waiting for you to discover.
  • Finally, meditate.  Meditation can bring clarity, peace, and healing into every area of your life. Check out this Ted Talk on meditation. 


Wednesday, 9 April 2014

Your Enoughness

It's interesting what we will believe about ourselves when someone plants a seed in our brain. For instance, the feeling of not being enough for your significant other is a heartbreaking realization. Have you ever felt that nothing you say, do, or become will ever be enough for them?

We spend so much time trying to show this person how 'enough' we are, how worthy we are, hoping to satisfy them. We show them that we can do all of these things for them, and maybe, just maybe, we will be awarded with some modicum of gratitude and appreciation. But it's never enough. 

It's truly sad and disappointing. 

The fact is, it wouldn't matter how much effort you put into being 'enough', it would never be 'enough'. 

So, what do you do? 

1) First, realize that this is all ego. Eckhart Tolle says, "Whenever you feel superior or inferior to anyone, that is the ego in you." Ego will have you believe anything that it wants you to. It will have you believe that you are everything in one breath and nothing in the next. Take a step outside of this judgement and be the observer of this thought. The thought is just that--a thought, and it holds no weight.

2) Understand that the person you are trying to impress will never be satisfied because they are always looking for something outside themselves to make them happy. It is not your job to make them happy. It's theirs. 

3) Understand that the way you feel about yourself, your enoughness or not enoughness, is compounded by continuing to feel the way you do. If you felt 'enough', you would have that reflected back onto you. No one can tell you that you are enough or not. You are the only one that can deem yourself 'enough', and you need to connect with that knowing from deep inside. It's the only way. 

4) Their acknowledgement of your enoughness isn't going to make you feel like you are enough. Knowing that you are is all you need.(see #2)

5) There are loads of people in this world who will celebrate your enoughness. Find them. Those are the people you want in your life. 

6) If someone doesn't see your enoughness, then this is a person you do not want in your life. They are detrimental to you living a happy and fulfilled life.

You are more than enough. 

Sunday, 6 April 2014

The Myth of 'The One'

“We have to allow ourselves to be loved by the people who really love us, the people who really matter. Too much of the time, we are blinded by our own pursuits of people to love us, people that don't even matter, while all that time we waste and the people who do love us have to stand on the sidewalk and watch us beg in the streets! It's time to put an end to this. It's time for us to let ourselves be loved.” ― C. Joy Bell 

"The One." Sounds romantic, doesn't it? If I had a dollar for every time I announced I found the one, I'd be a rich woman. Of all the unlimited choices in the entire universe, do you really think that the universal forces would only limit us to making a true connection with one person? Think about that for a second. 

 You usually hear about 'The One' when someone makes a deep connection with another person, and suddenly, they can't see themselves living life without each other. 

Not to burst your romantic bubble, but 'The One' is a myth. There isn't just one person for each of us. There are many. Sure, there's "The One right now", but there is always more where that one came from. 

Here's the thing: People grow, evolve, and change. Always have and always will. And, sometimes, we don't grow along with our partners; instead, we grow apart. That's okay. It happens. 

That person that you felt a deep connection with 10 years ago is no longer fitting like a puzzle piece in your life. You are growing apart and realizing that you are leading two separate lives. Or, possibly, a true love has passed on. Now what? 

If I had believed that there was only one person that was meant for me, well, I would be done at the age of 42, because I met him and he passed on. If had believed this myth, I would have already purchased my ten cats and activated my old maid card.  

When someone enters into our lives where we feel a deep connection with them in every way possible (the dots connect and the stars align), we truly believe that this is it for the rest of our lives. He/she is 'The One'. However, people come into our lives at that particular point in time because they are a vibrational match for us at that stage in our lives. 

When I think of my relationship with Trevor and how connected we were, I know that he brought me something very beautiful; something that I needed in my life to show me the beauty of myself. That was his gift to me, and I'm so very grateful for it. 

Don't go into a relationship thinking that this is 'The One'. Go into a relationship with the thought that you are having a beautiful experience. It may last a lifetime, or it may last two weeks. When it's ending, know that it's okay to let it go, and fill yourself with gratitude for the amazing gift that you received.