Monday, 30 June 2014

Tender Loving Care

There is a saying by LaShaun Middlebrooks Collier that says, "Self-care is possessing enough self-awareness to invoke repeated patterns of being, that harmoniously correct the behaviours of over-functioning for others while under-functioning for yourself.” 

We all do it. We give so much to others that we haven't anything left to give to ourselves. We put other's needs before our own, while starving ourselves of some much needed attention and care. 

This was an experience of mine last week where I had been available for everyone else but myself, which resulted in a melt-down. Feeling robbed of energy and not following through with some self-love, I became unable to function properly. There were things I had to do that seemed like a ton of effort; fortunately, I was able to push through because it had to be done. 

How many times have you given so much of yourself, in any relationship, and were not taking care of you because you felt your needs were secondary? I'm sure there are too many to count. 

We can also get stuck in the old "If I love this person a ton, they will eventually love me just as much." And then we set about the task of giving ourselves to that other person by either doing everything for them, or by loving them more than we love ourselves.

While it's true giving of ourselves is noble, there's a point where we have to remember to give to ourselves as well. It's a balancing act, but an important one. As demonstrated in my own melt-down, I wasn't giving myself the time and care I needed, and, therefore, was unable to give of myself to others.

How can you care for yourself?
First, realize that giving to yourself is important and not selfish.
Second, carve out time for yourself. If you have children, animals, or elderly parents to care for, then, yes, they need attention. That is a given. But, make sure you are finding the time for you to do what is important for your heart, your soul, and your mind. Only you know what that thing is and only you know the amount of time you can spend.
Third, make the commitment and stick to it. You are important. Your needs are important. What makes your heart sing is also important. But, one of the most important things of all is knowing who you are, and loving yourself fully.

Namaste, beautiful souls!

Monday, 23 June 2014

Sticking Around... When It's Time to Let Go

We’ve all been there... hey, maybe you're there right now. You know what I a relationship that isn’t working. Maybe you are waiting around for that person to decide if they want to be in a relationship with you, or maybe you are waiting for something to change. Or, perhaps, you are waiting for the other person to change, or some divine intervention to show you what to do, to make the decision for you.

When a relationship is on its way out; when it’s reached its expiration date; when it’s time to pack it in, we can feel it. We know it.

But, we usually aren't honest with ourselves enough to take the next step.

Why? Well, what if we are wrong? What if we can’t find someone else? What if things change tomorrow? What if the other person comes to the realization that they can’t live without us? And what about all that work, work, work of rebuilding our lives without that person? It's exhausting!

Rather than being true to ourselves and what our emotions are telling us, we stick around because it validates our level of lovability and desirability. Maybe we think we’ve found 'The One' because we feel a deep connection with them, even though we aren't getting the type of relationship that we want from them.

The relationship is unsatisfying, and you know you've been trying really hard to make it work. Unfortunately, it becomes more of a struggle while performing an in-depth analysis with your friends (over a bottle of wine) about what the other person has done or said. 

Now what? It hurts to leave and it hurts to stay.

In the blatantly honest words of a friend of mine: “If he isn’t all over your beautiful ass and begging for more of you, he isn’t worthy.”

The person in your life, or the person you want in your life, should want to be with you. It's that simple.

They should want to check on you to see how you are doing. There should be effort involved. If you are the one doing all the connecting, and you are unsatisfied with the progress of things (and you really want them to be all over your beautiful ass and they aren't), then it’s time to move on.

There is someone else out there that will be everything you are looking for and more. 

Namaste, beautiful souls!