Reveal Your Heart

"What you are willing to show your partner first, that is where your worth lies." This is a quote by my good friend, Melissa. We had been talking about love and self worth, observing that what we are willing to reveal to another person first is where our self worth lies.

When we feel we are lacking in the worth department, we will reveal to others things that hold very little value; superficial things that really don't show others our true magnificence. We believe that our worth and desirability will be validated if we can show others how worthy we are through our income, our sexual prowess, our education, our over achievement... and the list goes on. While these things have some use to a degree, they aren't what make us worthy or valid.

We've all been hurt and we've all been rejected. It's part of life and it has nothing to do with our worth or who we are. Rejection and hurt is all ego. The ego is consistently looking for someone to validate it because that's what gives it more momentum; that's what keeps ego alive. The ego likes to jump on the couch and yell, "Look at me. Look at me."

When we reveal our heart, when we aren't afraid to open it up so others can see what's inside, that is when our light truly shines. Don't be afraid to love. Don't be afraid to open up your heart and send love out to the world. You must love yourself so deeply that you will not be able to experience the intense pain from rejection or hurt. If the pain of a break up were to happen, the grief would be minuscule.

Let your love flow like an ocean to your own heart; it will overflow and swell to the point where it has no where else to go but out into the Universe. Try this for 30 days. Be mindful about your feelings and consistently send love to your beautiful heart. Then, don't be afraid to reveal that beauty to the world.

Stay true to yourself and own your magnificence!

Want to learn more about loving yourself inside and out? Check out the women's wellness weekend in Arizona July 16-19, 2015. We would love to see you there!

Falling in Love With You

Many years ago, I had thought that loving yourself meant you were conceited and loving yourself meant you thought very highly of yourself. Picture Reggie from the Archie comics. 

But, then I discovered that loving yourself doesn't mean being conceited, and it certainly doesn't mean you are full of yourself. Loving yourself means that you are willing and able to treat yourself with love and respect, the same love and respect you would give to others. Loving yourself isn't about the 'me' attitude. Loving yourself is about knowing your worth and knowing that you will not be treated like a doormat. Loving yourself means that you are not willing to settle. 

When you love yourself, it is so much easier to love others. Loving yourself means you can see beyond the facade and passed the brokenness, passed the ego of either yourself or others, and see into the soul at the deepest level. 

Loving yourself is honouring yourself. 

If you want to learn more about caring for yourself, my friend Michelle Ponto, of Michelle Ponto Fitness, is hosting a women's wellness weekend in Arizona in July, in which I will be holding Soul Love Awakening sessions. For more information, check out the link at Michelle Ponto Fitness Wellness Weekend. We would love to see your beautiful faces there! 

Keep loving yourself, dear friends! 

Namaste.

Love, Death, and Moving On

Nothing is more poignant than the moment in the movie “PS I Love You" where Holly is coming to terms with the death of her husband, Gerry.

She says, “And then I meet Gerry. This wonderful man happens to me and then, and then he died! What was the point? I'm so angry I could kill somebody. I'm alone, and it doesn't matter what job I have or what I do or what I don't do or what friends I have, he's not here. I mean, you're alone, no matter what.”

If you’ve lost your love, this quote will most likely resonate with you. Finding someone who connects with you on every level, who brings to the relationship something deep and beautiful, and then passes away may have you wondering what was the point.

Anger. Frustration. Confusion. Disappointment. Rejection. Fear. Heartache.These are all the emotions you can expect to feel, and there seems to be nothing that can make you feel better. That hole in your heart stays where it is, throbbing.

While it's true that you feel as if you won't ever feel normal again, or that you will never be able to pick yourself up by your bootstraps and carry on, I'm here to say that it will happen.

However, to do this, the action begins with you. Everyday is a new day. Everyday begins fresh. The pain in your heart will slowly, but surely, subside. Everyday, you take gentle steps to move forward, because that is what your loved one would have wanted. Everyday, you learn something new, grow in your awareness, and heal a little bit more. 

The steps you take don't have to be big ones; they can be small steps that might not look like much, but they are huge when you lump them all together. 

This transitional time is where you take care of you. You give yourself the love you need. This is the time where you wrap your arms around yourself and tell yourself it's okay to grieve. It's okay to feel crappy when you want to. Give yourself permission because you are the one in control of your emotions. 

Just don't live there. Don't hold yourself in that place of not moving forward; it won't do you any good and it won't bring back your loved one. We can try to hold ourselves in limbo, but this will never move us forward, nor will it allow us to live our lives to the fullest. 

C.S. Lewis said, “There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting your loved one. They will always be with you. Whatever your belief is, they are always beside you, in your heart and mind. They are always be a part of you. Take comfort in knowing that this time will pass. Take comfort in knowing that the universe wants to continue to fill your life with amazing and wonderful experiences, but only if you are open to them. 

Take care of your beautiful heart!

It's Groundhog Day...Again

"What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?" - Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day 

In the movie Groundhog Day, Bill Murray plays a news reporter who relives Groundhog Day over and over and over...until he experiences a shift within himself that finally moves him on to the next day, and a better life. 

Maybe you've experienced this before, a point in your life where nothing seems to be moving forward; where everyday is just like the last one. You wake up each morning and nothing has changed. 

Because this is a blog about relationships, let's focus on that topic, keeping in mind that this post can be applied to anything in your life that you feel isn't moving forward. 

Energy is always in motion. Things never stall or stop moving. But focusing on what isn't going right and what isn't happening gives the impression that things have come to a standstill. In actuality, the momentum is going the opposite direction of where we want to go. 

Things can appear as if they are a never-ending revolving door that we are stuck on, going in a circle and wondering when we can get off. We don't realize that it is up to us to make the move to step out when we see the next opening.

Making that move can be difficult because we have been wired, over a long period of time, to believe many untrue things about ourselves and about life. Things like, 'I'm not worthy or I'm not deserving. This is how life is and I might as well accept it.' 

We surmise that, seeing as this is what our parents went through, then we must have the same life as well.  

But, just like Phil Connors, the change begins within. There's no waiting around for Superman or Wonder Woman to show up to save us or make the decisions for us--we have to save ourselves.

Holding ourselves in that place of what is happening right now, and disliking it for what it is, will not get us to where we want to go. What is happening right now is a creation of what we were focusing on in our past. It's old news already, and, if we keep reading the old news, we will keep getting the old news--until we shift. We have to take this moment and change our perception about our situation, and continue to do so till it becomes dominant in our thinking and emotions.

Knowing that you deserve better, reaching your hand out for something better, and expecting amazing things to come...that is how you leave the revolving door. You keep waking up everyday and choose differently. Choose a different feeling and a different perspective. Wake up with gratitude and appreciation, and the knowledge that you have the choice in the thoughts you think and the emotions you feel.

This is what real power is.

If you are waiting for a sign, then here it is. The moment you started to desire for more in life is your indication that it's time to take a step forward. You can't wait for others to catch up to you, to make the decision for you--you have to decide that you are ready to change something and envision better. 

What can you do today to reach for something better? 

Namaste.

Best Friends to Lovers

I'm a huge believer in lovers being best friends first. As someone who has experienced both sides of the coin (jumping head first into a relationship as a lover, and also building a friendship that turned into a beautiful relationship), I can honestly tell you that the 'friends first' route is a lovely way to go. 

Here's why: 

1) Building a relationship based on friendship gives you a strong foundation to grow from; a foundation that is very difficult to tear down. 

2) There are very few expectations when building from a friendship. You both can be yourselves.

3) There's a certain gentleness to being able to start in a place of friendship. It's a lovely progression where trust is built. 

4) There's something really honest and open when growing a relationship from a friendship. 

5) Taking the time to really understand one another, prior to the physical part of the relationship, creates a deeper intimacy and a stronger bond. 

6) There's a feeling of ease and calm when building that strong foundation; something that is rarely experienced when a relationship becomes physical too fast.   

7) When the sexual stuff does eventually happen, it will be incomparable to anything you've ever experienced before because you've created that deeper connection.

Once you have this solid foundation constructed, the relationship will continue to expand, grow, and blossom into something beautiful and meaningful. So, take it easy. There really is no rush. 

Does this mean that the relationship will last forever? Not necessarily. People change and grow, sometimes in different directions. It happens and that's okay. You can create more lovely experiences like this one. It's not a one time thing. 

Dear lovers, find someone who wants to get to know your soul and who wants to really know who you are on every level. It's worth taking the time for. 

Why I'm Not Afraid to Love Again: A Valentine's Day Story

It's Valentine's Day and also the third anniversary since my beloved passed away. Please, don’t feel sorry for me. 

Yes, his death crushed me and there was a time when I wondered how I would be able to ever move forward. I wasn't sure if the pain would ever move out of my heart or if I would ever feel normal again. I wasn't sure if I would ever get to the point of moving on or living fully. 

But I have. With one foot in front of the other, I have. 

Sometimes, we can’t understand why someone has to leave us. That's the thing about death: we can never ask the person who has died why they had to go. We can’t ask them that, if things were done differently, maybe they would still be here. We can't keep wondering if only we could turn back the hands of time and do something different, maybe this wouldn't have happened. We also can’t continue to beat ourselves up with questions of ‘what if’.

The point is, they have chosen that path. Whether consciously or subconsciously, it was all up to them. And we have to honour their choice. As much as it hurts, as much as we feel left behind, them leaving has nothing to do with us and everything to do with them wanting to move on. We have to respect that.

Do I still have questions? Definitely. But, I never regret my time spent with him. I never feel like I’ve been handed a bad deal. I loved him with all my heart, and still do. What he gave to me has given me the strength to carry on. 

Do I have bad days? Yes, of course. It’s human to have these feelings. 
But, then I think about the love he gave. What a lovely gift I was given! He showed me what deep and beautiful love is. This is something I will treasure forever!

I’m not afraid to love again. This amazing love that we had was full of respect and kindness, and was a true gift... and I want that again. This is one of the reasons why I won't settle. 

When you feel like you can’t move on; when you feel like you have been hurt too much and wonder how it's possible to love again; when you wonder if it's possible if someone else can come into your life to help you to fully experience love, remember that it is always possible. There is always a way. The Universe is a much better planner than you! 

Keep your eyes open. Keep your heart open. Make sure you are giving back to yourself the love you are sending out. Feel and know your worth. And, take it easy. Don't push. Feel the gentleness of it. 

Happy Valentine’s Day, lovely souls. Love yourself fully. And, no matter what, don’t be afraid to love again! 

Preparing for Love

Getting yourself ready for love is like preparing yourself for any major life event. Think about it: love is a big deal, and if you aren't prepared for it properly, it could end badly. This isn't to say that, once you prepare for love, the relationship will be everlasting. Nothing is guaranteed, things happen, and people grow apart. However, you want to make sure you prepare for love so you are attracting what you want.

There are many ways that we can prepare for love. For instance, buy something nice to wear on a first date, or declutter the bedroom to make it more conducive to romance and welcoming a lover.

While doing the outside preparation is a requirement, the inside preparation is more important. To prepare for love, we have to go deep within ourselves.

Feeling extremely insecure about yourself will not attract the appropriate partner into your life. You may say you want a person with certain types of qualities and characteristics, but, for some reason, you always seem to attract the opposite (see previous blog post on why you attract the same types of relationships).

This is where you take a good look at yourself. What is it that you need to improve about you? One thing that most of us do not do is fully love and respect ourselves. Loving and respecting yourself should be number one on your list. How do you love and respect yourself? Are you honouring who you are? Are you honouring your own feelings? Are you staying true to who you are?

Have you let go of the past or are you holding on? Anger and resentment are two things that we easily can bring into our new relationship. If we've been hurt in the past, and haven't effectively dealt with the pain, we can bring that garbage into our new shiny relationship. Is that really fair to the other person?  Is it fair to you?

You would expect the person you have a relationship with to honour and treasure your beautiful heart. But, that can't really happen if you don't honour and treasure it yourself. If you expect someone to do it for you, you may be disappointed if they don't follow through. Start by taking care of your own heart. When you do, someone will come into your life who will help you treasure it.

Dear lovely souls, Valentine's Day is around the corner. Make a promise to yourself to give yourself the loving care that you need. Do the work necessary for you to truly love you. You will not be disappointed.