Real Change

You might be saying, "Wait. I'm not addicted to my emotions. That's crazy." 

Here's the thing: If rehearsed over and over again, our emotions become ingrained within us and then become a part of who we are. We begin to identify ourselves with these emotions. 

When we try to change, our bodies kick and scream because it's not getting its way. Your body is actually wanting that chemical rush that it expects when you feel anxiety, sadness, frustration, anger, etc. It's used to it, and it wants it right now!

And, because you don't like this feeling, and because you don't like the unknown of the new feeling, you give into those old emotions to settle it down. The cycle then continues.
You can't get off of this merry-go-round until you deliberately choose to. No matter how much kicking and screaming is going on in your internal world, you will need to consciously steer yourself back to your focus, and tell yourself you are making changes that will make you better for it. 

It's like keeping a child focused on a task. When their attention veers to something else, you bring them right back to the task. This is retraining yourself to think and feel differently. This is where true change begins. 

PS: Want to go deeper? Soul Love Warrior workbook and website coming soon! I promise! 

www.soullovewarrior.com
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There are No Life Lessons

By calling the negative experiences in our lives 'life lessons', it helps us to explain why something bad would be happening to us. While these 'negative' experiences can help us to learn something about ourselves, about life, and how to handle situations, they aren't handed to us by an unseen force as a so-called lesson. 

If the negative situation continues to happen, we keep thinking that 'oh, I haven't learned anything yet. The Universe is still teaching me a lesson.' That's not it at all. We are given the free will to choose our experiences, and it is all dependent on the energy we are resonating in our thoughts and emotions.

If you continue to relive the same experience and wonder why, it's because you are still not addressing that garbage emotion that still brings the same situation into your life. You are essentially not being deliberate, and are falling into the trap of the old way of being. Even though you are 'thinking' that you want a 'new way of being', if your emotions aren't matching that, then you aren't changing anything.

If there is a lesson to be learned in experiencing repetitive situations, it is this: Be more discerning about how you are feeling and thinking.

PS: Go beyond yourself! Soul Love Warrior workbook and website coming soon! 

This is Self-love

To attract a relationship that is loving, trustworthy, respectful, and supportive, make sure to develop these things within yourself first.
Love yourself. 
Trust yourself. 
Be supportive of who you are. 
This is selflove. 

Watch for the upcoming Self-love workbook that will help you to delve deep in the heart centre, finding the love within yourself. 


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The Storm

Photo by Tamara Hanson

Hello Soul Lovers!

Sometimes, storm clouds roll in and we are standing in a large open field feeling exposed and uncertain of where to take shelter.

During those times when you aren't sure which way to turn and uneasiness has settled in, love yourself through it all.

It's easy to love ourselves when things are going well, but loving ourselves during the challenging times is when we need it the most. 

Become your own best friend by giving yourself the care and love that you need to see it through.  Don't beat yourself up. Just own your feelings and be honest with yourself about what you need. 

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Searching for Love in All the Wrong Places

Photo by Tamara Hanson

Hello Soul Lovers! 

“The enemy of love is never outside, it’s not a man or a woman, it’s what we lack in ourselves.” ~ Anais Nin

When we go searching for love,  we are looking for something outside of ourselves.  We are looking for that thing to complete us, to make us whole.  We believe that the void will be filled by a person, place or thing.

Continuing to think this way will have us searching forever. The only way to fill the void is with the love you give to yourself.

Watch for more information on becoming a Soul Love Warrior...coming soon! 

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Don't Confuse Comfort with Love

Sometimes, we become so enamoured with wanting to have someone in our lives that it often leads us away from the real reason behind wanting a relationship. 

In some cases, the love is so intense and so real that we can't put it into a context that we can understand because we haven't felt that kind of love before. So, we run away from it, not believing something can be that real and lovely.

Someone gave me an analogy of why someone would run away from a deep love and choose comfort: He said that it's like collecting stamps and you put those stamps in one book and you only use that one book. Suddenly, someone comes along and gives you another book and you don't know what to do with it. You can't understand it because you've only used that one book. 

In the context of love, we can become accustomed to that one type of love, and that's all we've been able to understand. It's comfortable and safe. There's nothing that needs to be understood because it can be put into a context that makes sense. It can be put into that one familiar book.

Then, a different love comes along. This love is a much deeper love where the feelings are stronger--more than what you have felt before. You have nothing to relate it to because you haven't felt like this before. It's new territory.  

Instead of taking a leap to experience something that you know is deeper, you retreat back to the old book or the old type of love. It's not new nor different, but at least you can put it into a context you understand, and you feel safe. When I say 'safe', I don't mean the kind where you'll be protected, but in the way of 'if I don't take a chance then I won't fail.'

We see this all of the time where couples aren't really happy, but they stay because it's comfortable. You stick with it because the alternative would mean stepping outside of your comfort zone for something deeper, something more loving than you have ever felt before.  

This is the death of a well-lived life--choosing mediocre over extraordinary. This is the difference between love and comfort. (Don't confuse this with instant infatuation, because that's a completely different thing and a completely different blog topic.)

This isn't to say that people shouldn't work at a relationship and should give up as soon as it becomes less than satisfactory. What this is about is knowing when there's no chemistry and no attraction in a relationship, and choosing safety and comfort over deep love.

I love this quote by Keay Nigel in her article 'The Difference Between Needing, Wanting, and Loving Somebody': "This is not love that you are feeling. It's nostalgia."

The fact is, when a deeper love comes along, and you question it's validity, just remember that you had asked for it at a vibrational level. You had asked the universe to bring you something deeper, more profound, and something that you have never felt before. And, therefore, you received it. Resisting it means you are declining a true manifestation of your desire. Resisting means you are sabotaging yourself.

“A life lived in fear... is a life half-lived.” ― Baz Luhrmann

Pain, Heartbreak, and Moving Forward

I have experienced pain and heartbreak more times than I care to count. Someone I loved deeply died on Valentine's Day, and, let me tell you, that really, really sucks. Every Valentine's Day, I get to celebrate with this memory--always and forever. I could continue being sad on this day while others around me fall in love...or, I could move forward, creating something new in my life. 

I have chosen to move forward.

Even though traumatic things are really crappy to experience, I still believe in love. I still want to share myself fully with another. Even though my traumatic experience caused great pain and sadness to the point I thought my heart was ripped from my chest, it was also a great gift: It showed me how to fully love and be loved.  It showed me that trying for something can lead to amazing things. 

When I meet someone who has experienced hurt and loss but refuses to move on, I wonder why wouldn't you move forward? What is the benefit to hanging on to the past? While it's true that you are taking another chance at getting hurt, that it might not work out, that you  might experience something traumatic, the questions is, will you be okay without ever knowing if it could be wonderful because you didn't try?  

When things are going well in a relationship, when you are expanding and growing together, and then suddenly one person pulls back, it's because the larger part of that person (their higher consciousness) expanded and the physical part of them chose not to go. They became afraid and they chose not to take the leap to where the larger part of themselves was standing. The larger part of themselves was 'over there' drinking champagne, celebrating, and enjoying life, while the physical part of themselves was still holding themselves back, unhappy and discontent. 

When things are going well and you know the next step will leap you forward to a place that is positive and beautiful, and you feel negative emotion about it, it's because you chose not to expand. You are holding yourself back because you are afraid of possibly experiencing hurt. It's protection, but it also doesn't move you forward. 

Take the time to understand what is really going on when you hold back--when you know something great is right there, but you choose not to experience it. Maybe it's time for you to take that small step toward it. 

One small step may be all you need to discover that you will be immersed in the warm embrace of something truly amazing.  

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